


Already Gone

by Lexkru



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Architect Lexa (The 100), Artist Clarke Griffin, CEO Lexa (The 100), Clexa, Damaged Lexa, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hearts are broken, Intersex Lexa (The 100), Lost Clarke, M/M, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Multi, New York City, Runaway Bride, Sad Clarke, Singer Clarke Griffin, clarke leaves bellamy, one shot turned full blown story, this is not a bellarke fic srry not sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:34:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28584324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexkru/pseuds/Lexkru
Summary: After leaving her husband to be at the alter Clarke finds herself in a rundown diner where she meets a mysterious Brunette who just might be enough to take her mind off everything wrong in her life.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 114
Kudos: 275





	1. Perfect Stranger

* * *

_The heart was made to be broken._

* * *

It was all supposed to be simple, pick a dress, a venue and a meal that somehow caters to everyone and get married. It was supposed to be simple, but nothing is ever really simple. Even when things are crystal clear they’re not simple, not when a single moment can alter the whole course of what life was supposed to be.

As Clarke fled the building that was filled to the brim with all of her family and friends and of course her now ex-fiancé she realized that the whole time it truly was just that simple. For months she stressed and cried but blamed it on wedding planning, but the wedding was never the problem, the groom was.

Bellamy Blake town heart throb and resident player during his high school years, she met Bellamy through his younger sister while they were still in high school. She never thought much of him, but it was evident he was harboring a crush on her from the moment they met. For the most part they remained friends and when Clarke lost her dad unexpectedly during senior year, he helped her through it. After high school they both went to college in New York which was about an hour away from their hometown in Connecticut, so they stayed in touch. It wasn’t until junior year of College that Bellamy asked her out on a date, and she accepted. Bellamy was a good guy and she had just went through a hard breakup with her ex Niylah, so she needed the distraction. That distraction stretched for three years and they’ve been together ever since.

Looking back Clarke had no clue why she stayed with Bellamy for so long, sure he was nice, and the sex was ok, but she never loved him. Their relationship was comfortable, and I guess for that fact alone she stayed.

Even when every bone in her body told her to leave and all of her friends tried to talk some sense into her, she stayed.

Even when Bellamy asked her to give up her dreams to be a singer/artist and move back to Connecticut because he got an amazing job offer, she allowed that overshadow her own life.

She loved her life in New York and most importantly she loved singing, she worked hard to get a scholarship into the school for the arts in New York and after graduating she put all of the money her dad left her towards making her dreams come true in New York. She had a studio where she could write and draw, and she was actually getting some notice for her music in local bars and here he was asking her to give that all up for him.

Bellamy had always told her it was unlikely that singing would work out for her, so she knew he didn’t care about uprooting her life for the sake of him. And even though that should’ve been a deal breaker, the next thing she knew she was driving back to her hometown leaving any hope for a happy life back in New York along with her dreams. A month later he proposed.

She could remember clear as day the dread she felt when Bellamy got on one knee in front of both their parents and all of their friends and asked her to marry him. They had been dating for a few years and both were nearing 30 so realistically it made sense and with a dozen eyes on her and smothering pressure she said yes. But to the people who knew her best they could see the fear in her eyes, fear she decided to push down for months.

Bellamy was a good guy; he had a stable job, and he treated her good and even though she wasn’t she forced herself to be happy because all of things are what all women dream in spouse right? And the more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself that she loved him, and she did, but it wasn’t the way she was supposed to but with time it could there.

But time is a bitch, and the deep level of manipulation Clarke was putting on her own thoughts and feelings wasn’t working. The dress was picked, the venue was ready, but the groom was wrong. _It was all wrong_ , but it was the day and now she had to do it, right because everyone’s already here and backing out now would be a waste of everyone’s time.

The few minutes before the ceremony was set to start Clarke was pacing the hall outside of Bellamy’s suite where he was getting ready for the day. She was contemplating ending it, this was the last hour and yes people were here and yes it would waste their time, but could she really do this? Could she really marry someone she doesn’t love just because she feels like she owes him something?

“Echo stop.”

Her thoughts were cut off by the door opening and her soon to husband’s voice ringing through the halls. Quickly she hid not wanting him to see her but enough for her to see what was going on.

Bellamy was there in his tux and so was Echo, Clarke didn’t know Echo very well, but she did know she worked at the same company as Bellamy. She hung around a lot, but Clarke never cared enough to get to know her beyond the surface level. She was nice and they were friendly but that was all, it wasn’t until Bellamy asked her to make her a bridesmaid that she even ever hung out with the girl one on one. Apparently, she was new in town and didn’t have many friends so Bellamy thought giving her a spot in the wedding party would help her make friends. Clarke didn’t understand why that was their problem, but she agreed because at this point, she was far beyond detached.

Fast forward a few months and here was the girl standing with her fiancé in the awful puke green dress that her maid of honor/sister of the groom Octavia picked.

She didn’t know what the conversation was before the door opened but Echo looked upset and Bellamy was damn near on the verge of tears.

“I think you’ve said everything, I don’t need to hear another rejection.” Echo huffed trying to leave but last-minute Bellamy grabs her wrists,

Rejection, Clarke thinks watching the whole scene play out.

“Please just-.”

“Why did you even do it?” she asked her voice barley above a whisper, “Why did you even kiss me all those months ago for this to be the outcome?”

“You know why.”

“Because you like me, because when we kissed you felt something that you haven’t in a long time. That’s what you said right?” Echo said wiping her own tears, “If that were true then why are you doing this, why are marrying her?”

“I love her.” He exhausted,

“Then why continue this, why string me along and have me join her bridal party I mean do you have any idea how that made me feel?” she yelled, “Seeing the woman who’s about to marry the man I lo-..... Just admit none of it was real.”

“It was all real Echo, every second we spent together and every night we shared was real, it was so real.”

“So, don’t marry her.” She begged, “We can leave here now and be together, all you have to do is be brave enough to leave with me.”

Numb, that was all Clarke could feel as she crouched behind the corner listening to the man, she was supposed to marry talk to his mistress that until this moment she didn’t know about. Her ears were drowned out and all she could hear was the beating of her own heart as she watched the pair share a kiss before a crying Echo runs in the opposite direction. She didn’t know what Bellamy said but by the sad looks and puddles on both their faces she could only imagine he said no.

Her own room was down the hall and when she looked up, she saw herself reflected in the mirror and she had no clue how she even got back there. Obviously, she walked but one minute she was there and now she was here, staring at her perfectly done Smokey eye and bright red lips. White lace sleeves covered her arms and suddenly it was burning. The once soft and delicate fabric was now itchy, and suffocating and she needed it off. She needed all of it off, the dress, the perfect makeup, the earrings, heels EVERYTHING.

“Clarke?”

Her head popped up seeing her mom in the reflection staring back at her with concerned eyes.

“Everyone’s waiting for you.” Abby said walking over to her daughter,

“I don’t – I can’t do this.” Clarke wheezed trying to catch her breath, but the air was gone, and everything was bleaker than before,

“Oh sweetie, every bride gets jitters.” Abby smiled, “Once you’re up there staring back at your husband to be everything will be clear.”

“No, I this-.” Speaking was pointless, she could barley breathe

“Clarke Bellamy is perfect for you; he is stability and that’s what you need.” Abby said with a little force in her voice, “Even if you aren’t happy now, I promise you will be, come on.”

_I will be, Clarke thought, I will be I just need to do it this is what I need even if it isn’t what I want._

Without another thought Clarke stood from the chair and followed her mother out of the room. Marcus, her stepdad was waiting to walk her down the aisle. She could hear him say something, but she couldn’t make it out because she was too busy trying to ignore the burning of the skin tight dress and the pit growing by the second taking over her whole being.

_I will be happy._

The doors open and everyone turns to watch the beautiful bride walk to meet her happy ending.

_I have to be happy_

Her feet were moving but and she could see Bellamy standing at the alter and all his best men lined up behind him. Then she looked to her side and looked over her bridesmaids and saw her.

_It just takes time, but I can be happy._

Clarke could feel herself staring hole into Echo, but the woman wasn’t returning her gaze, instead she was looking at Bellamy who was looking at Clarke with a big smile and Clarke couldn’t help but wonder if it was fake.

Marcus’s grip tightened on the blonde’s arms causing her to turn to him, she could see the worried look on his face, but it was fine.

_She was fine._

He drops her arms giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking his seat leaving her face to face with her fiancé.

_It’s fine._

“Today we are gathered here to celebrate the union of Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin.” The preacher started,

Burning; her skin was burning and there was no more air left in the building and she didn’t know how she was supposed to do this.

_It’s fine._

“Before we began it’s customary to ask if anyone here has any objections to the couple’s union.”

_It’s not fine._

There’s a long pause filled with looks and even some coughs via Raven one of Clarke’s best friends and bridesmaids who has repeatedly told her to walk away from this and for once she was ready to listen. All of her emotions aside she was standing here about to marry a cheater. No matter her indifference Clarke never considered betraying the man in that way and now she was supposed to marry him? It was only then that she felt Abby’s words were true because now that she was here everything was clear.

He was giving her an out, it was up to her to take it.

“No.” she mumbled, a wide-eyed Bellamy taking a step forward,

“Clarke.”

“No!” she said louder backing away from the mans attempts to grab her hands, “I can’t do this.”

* * *

And that is how she ended up at some run-down diner twenty minutes away from her venue in the middle of nowhere. She didn’t have her phone and her dress was dirty and muddied from the walk but finally she could breathe, and her skin wasn’t burning anymore. For once she was actually fine.

The waitress let her use the phone which she used to call Raven; her mom nor Octavia was an option. They would want an explanation and she needed time to think.

“Seems I’m not the only person over dressed for this place.”

Clarke had been zoned out pretty much the whole time she had been sitting at the bar so when she looked over, she was surprised to see a gorgeous brunette sitting next to her. Her beauty was undeniable, and Clarke was in awe especially when the girl smirked, and the blonde remembered that the mysterious woman had said something.

“Considering the only other person in here is wearing cargo shorts and a holey tee shirt I’d say we’re extremely overdressed.” Clarke replied earning a smile from the woman and the blonde was swooning. How couldn’t she this woman was jaw dropping in her form fitting black suit pants and matching blazer with red stilettos and red lips and amazing green eyes. Her long brown hair was in waves down her back and Clarke was sure she’s never met anyone more beautiful than this.

“So, what brings you to this place?” The brunette asks taking a sip of her coffee before wincing at the taste, “Surly it’s not the coffee, are you from around here.”

“God no.” Clarke answered quickly, truthfully, she didn’t even know exactly where she was, she only knew it was a couple hours away from her hometown. She was exactly very picky when it came to venues so when her mom said she liked one she said it was fine. “I’m from Arkadia but I live in New York.” She said before sighing, “I lived in New York.”

“What part maybe we were neighbors.”

“Brooklyn.” Clarke replied,

“Manhattan.” The brunette pointed to herself, “See practically neighbors.”

“How the hell did you end up in this town then?” Clarke asked before adding, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind at all.” She giggled and to Clarke it was the most amazing noise to bless her ears, “My business partner brought me here to look at some land as potential buying space.”

“Let me guess, didn’t like it?” Clarke smiled,

“All things have potential.” She defended, “But in this case there was no amount of vision boarding and planning that could make me want to buy it.”

“What do you do?”

“I’m an architect, I own a business in downtown Manhattan. We buy space and build on it, mostly its luxury apartments but we’ve done some houses. I’m trying to expand hence my visit to whatever the name of this town is.”

“That sounds really cool, you must love drawing.”

“In a sense.” She smiled, “My cousin Anya is my business partner and the artist I’m more of a visionary. I can see exactly what I want a place to look like in my head and making mood boards and digital constructing helps me articulate that but for the most part Anya’s really good at drawing up things exactly how I describe.”

“Sounds like you two make a good team then.”

“We do, except for today when she led me here only for me to hate the land and then as we’re leaving, she gets a flat and of course she doesn’t have a spare so she’s up the road at some run-down auto shop getting it fixed. But now that I’m here with such a beautiful woman keeping me company, I’m not as eager to get out of this town as I thought.” She smiled causing the blonde to turn away desperately trying to hide her blush,

“Smooth.” Clarke laughed, facing the woman who was looking at her in a way Clarke couldn’t even describe but she liked it, she craved it

“Glad you think so.” She chuckled, “I told my story how about you, what brought you to this lovely establishment?”

“Hmm, try and guess.” Clarke smirked,

“If I had to say and bear with me here, I’d probably go with runaway bride.” She said as if she just solved an age-old mystery

“What gave it away?” Clarke said a small smile on her face, in the span of five minutes she had managed to smile more than she has in the past five months and she was enjoying it

“Maybe the veil, on the other hand it could be the stunning white dress.” She pondered, “But what really gave it away was the impending look of freedom you were sporting, I’ve heard running away from weddings can do that.”

“I guess you heard right.”

“So, what happened, he didn’t treat you right?” the brunette asked,

“He treated me fine, I found out he was cheating a few minutes before the ceremony.” Clarke says hoping that was believable,

“Yet you don’t look too broken up about it.” The brunette said seriously looking right into the blue eyes in front of her,

“Sorry I’m just not too inclined to tell a stranger my problems.” Clarke defended,

“I’ll have you know Brooklyn; strangers are the best people to tell your problems too. You vent and when it’s over you feel better and you’ll never have to see that person again.”

“Is this you telling me you never want to see me again, Manhattan?” she teased,

“On the contrary, If I’m lucky our paths will cross again.” She smirked, fully meaning every word, “So how about I buy you a milkshake and you tell me how some idiot let such a charming woman walk away from him.”

She should say no, she literally just left her fiancé at the alter and now she was here with a stunning woman offering to buy her a milkshake. She should say no, but instead she said,

“Ok.” But only because she liked milkshakes and not because she desperately wanted to continue her conversation with the mysterious stranger.

A few minutes in and Clarke had already summarized her whole three years of being with Bellamy and even what she overheard between him and Echo not too long ago. To Clarkes surprise the woman sat and listened with an open mind, she didn’t judge, and she didn’t look at her with sympathy and she really appreciated it.

“You want me to be honest?” The brunette said after having heard Clarke story about her ex,

“Uh oh, yes be honest please.” Clarke said bracing herself,

“I think you let people tell you what your life should be like instead of actually going for what you want. You could be in New York right now living your dream, but you left because other people told you it would be best for you. You kept dating this guy because he was nice, and it was comfortable and you stayed even though you weren’t happy. Honestly, I think you’re scared.”

“Scared?” Clarke asks confused,

“Yes scared, I think you’re scared to actually pursue your own life and explore you own dreams. Just as you were climbing your way towards what you ultimately wanted you to let it all go because someone asked you to and I think it was because you didn’t want to fail, like you stayed with this guy because you didn’t want to fail at that.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, instead she focused on what was left of her strawberry milkshake playing with the remnants with her straw.

“You gave up your whole life, your dreams for someone you didn’t even love-.”

“I do love Bellamy.” She interrupted,

“But you’re not in love with him and that’s ok, you can’t force yourself to love someone. And according to you it sounds like he has strong feelings for this other woman. Neither of you would be happy if you had gotten married today but you took the first step by walking away and now you get to run with it.”

“But what am I supposed to do?” Clarke asks genuinely hoping she had an answer for her because she was lost,

“No one can tell you that remember.” She grinned, “What do **_you_** want to do?”

Clarke thought for a second sincerely trying to figure out what she wanted from here and only one thing came to mind.

“Go back to New York.” She murmured; she could already picture how the sun was shining through her big window landing perfectly on her canvas. And her dads old couch waiting for her to come and write new songs while sitting on its soft cushions. “I still have my studio there and I miss it.”

“So then go.” She smiled,

“But-.”

“No buts.” She interrupted grabbing the blonde’s soft hands causing both of them to jump but neither let go, “Go be an amazing singer and make your dreams come true, don’t stay in your hometown trying to make everyone else happy.”

“I could be terrible you know.” She laughed, “I could literally have the worst voice ever and you’re telling me to go make my dreams come true.”

“I have a good feeling about you Brooklyn and something tells me I’m right.” She winked, both girls staring into each other’s eyes for a least a full minute before hearing a loud horn outside breaking their gaze,

They both turn to the window seeing two cars in the lot one Clarke recognized as Ravens and another she didn’t know.

“That would be my cousin.” The brunette said eyeing the dirty blonde outside talking to a pretty Latina woman,

“And that’s my friend Raven here with the getaway car.” Clarke said standing from her stool, “Thank you for everything and for the milkshake.”

“It was a pleasure.” She smiled watching the blonde take one last look before turning towards the door only for the brunette to stop her, “Can I know your name?”

Clarke turned around getting a better view of the woman now that they were both standing, she was tall, and her curls framed her face perfectly. **She was perfect.**

“Clarke.” She said, “Clarke Griffin.”

“Alexandria Trikru but you can call me Lexa.” She replied, “It was really nice to meet you Clarke.” She added before digging in her bag and pulling out a card, “If you ever decide to come back to New York give me a call.”

Clarke took the black metallic card; it was fancy naming Lexa’s business and her number on it and a silver infinity sign looping through it.

“I do owe you a milkshake.” Clarke smiled looking up from the card,

“That you do.” Lexa replied trying not to notice just how beautiful the blonde in front of her was,

“Maybe I’ll see you soon Manhattan.”

“I hope so Brooklyn.” She smiled watching the blonde walk out leaving her in useless gay mess, ‘What the hell did you do to me Clarke Griffin?’ she murmured to herself before leaving a fifty on the counter and going out to Anya’s car. New York wasn’t a far drive but the whole ride she spent praying the blonde would use her number so she could see those amazing blue eyes one more time.

* * *

* * *

“Do you think you’ll call her?” Raven asks giddily driving them to her house in New York, her best friend needed a get away and she wasn’t failing her now. She never liked Bellamy for many reasons, and she knew from the start he wasn’t right for Clarke. And she was so happy to see her now after having the strength to walk away and come out on the other end with the biggest smile she’s ever seen on anyone ever.

“I don’t know, I literally just left someone at the alter I can’t focus anything new but talking to her felt… like this amazing cosmic storm.” She dazed, “That sounds silly, but I don’t know it was nice but now I need to focus on me and getting my shit together.”

“Fair enough.” Raven nodded,

“Where are we going?” Clarke asks seeing Raven miss the turn heading back towards Arkadia,

“I figured you wouldn’t want to go back home right now so I’m driving us to my house.”

Clarke felt a small smile forming on her face at the thought of going back to New York,

“If that’s ok.” Raven said noticing the blonde’s silence,

“It’s perfect.” Clarke replies, “New York sounds perfect.” And with any luck she’d run into a certain brunette again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooo, this started as a one shot but i lowkey want to continue it lol let me know if you're interested! thank you for reading


	2. Breakeven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke faces the music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so overwhelmed by the love for this story, thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoy.

* * *

**_when a heart breaks, it don't break even_ **

* * *

“Raven wait.” They were driving to New York, but she couldn’t go, not like this. She’s spent too much time running already and if she truly wanted to move on, she had to do this properly.

“What?” Raven asked looking at the girl before focusing back on the road.

“I have to go back to Arkadia.” She sighed,

“Clarke, two minutes ago you were all like, “New York sounds perfect’ and now you want to go back.” The brunette says, “Please tell me you’re not having second thoughts about Bellamy.”

“No!” she said quickly, “But I can’t just run away from this, I need to deal with it and then go from there.”

“Fine, be mature.” The girl said rolling her eyes before taking the next exit.

* * *

* * *

When they arrived at Bellamy’s house Clarke could feel the nerves set in, his car was out front, and the lights were on. She hoped she would have a few minutes to gather herself, but he was already here, and Octavia was giving her the death glare from the moment they pulled up.

“Well, she looks pissed.” Raven said as they stared at the girl from the safety of the car.

“Maybe I should’ve ran.” The blonde murmured,

“You really know how to cut it down to the last minute you know." Raven said getting the blondes attention, “What was the straw?”

“I don’t love him.” She mumbled; the cheating felt like something she couldn’t tell not until she talked to Bellamy at least. “I miss my life; I miss my music and my small, overpriced apartment and my job down at the gallery. And I don’t know if I can get any of it back but condemning myself to a man, I don’t love seems like a punishment I don’t deserve.”

Raven smiled, happy to hear her best friend finally making some sense. “Don’t worry about O, go finish this and we’ll get you your life back.”

Clarke nodded, taking a huge deep breathe before stepping out of the car. She still had her wedding dress on and by now her perfect makeup was ruined but for once something felt right.

She made her way to the stairs of the house that was supposed to be hers and Bellamy’s. he bought it when they moved back to Arkadia, she never liked it. The house was nice it was just what she would consider a farmhouse. It fit the bill for a family home in Arkadia and she didn’t want a family home, not yet and not with him.

“Look who it is.” Octavia scoffed; her voice angry “Came to break my brother’s heart even more?”

“Let her pass O.” Raven interrupted before Clarke could reply, “This is between them, in the meantime I can keep you company.”

Octavia rolled her eyes moving from in front of the door to let the blonde inside.

The house was eerily silent as she entered, her dirty dress dragging behind her. She walked through the house aimlessly until she heard a noise coming from the home office Bellamy insisted on having.

The door was cracked open and she could see the man sitting at this desk pouring himself a glass of bourbon. Once again, she took a deep breathe before opening the door drawing attention to herself.

His eyes followed her closely as she walked towards the desk, his face was void to any emotion and Clarke couldn’t help but feel uneasy. She knew he would be upset but for some reason she hadn’t been expecting to such a stone-cold expression.

Neither spoke as Bellamy poured himself another drink,

“Drink?” he asks looking down at the half empty bottle,

“No.”

“More for me.”

The silence was deadly, and Clarke felt like she would implode if she didn’t get out of here soon. She could tell by the look on his face that she hurt him, and it killed her, she should’ve talked to him sooner. She should’ve ended it before they ever walked down the aisle, but if he was cheating then maybe he felt this wasn’t right either. Maybe they both knew it but tried to ignore that all for what?

“Why Clarke?” he asked his voice strained, “Why would you do this to me?”

“I think you know why Bellamy.” She sighed, sinking down in the chair across from him.

“We were happy, we could be so happy.”

“We couldn’t Bellamy.”

“We could!” he yelled slamming his glass down causing the girl to jump, “If you just tried, we could be happy.”

“I did try, I tried so hard I gave up everything for you for us because I was trying to make this work, but I can’t anymore Bell. I’m falling apart and marrying you would’ve killed us both.”

“No not me, I want to marry you!”

“Why?” she asked looking him straight in the eyes, “Why do you want to marry me?”

“Because I love you Clarke! I’ve loved you from the moment we met, and I want to marry you!”

“Tell me about Echo.” She said watching the man freeze and his eyes go wide at the mentions of the other woman’s name,

“I- what does Echo have to do with this?”

“I was coming to talk to you right before the wedding.” She started, “I don’t know if I was even going to knock on your door, but I was there and I saw you and her.”

“Clarke-.”

“Just listen Bell.” She interrupted, “You were there for me during the toughest time of my life and I can’t ever thank you enough for that. You’ve always been an amazing friend and I love for that but I’m not in love with you. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t, and it wasn’t because of you. You were a great boyfriend, but we just want different things and we always have. But no matter how hopeless or unhappy I felt I never ever tried to find that comfort anywhere else. I never tried to hurt you and I never asked you to give up anything for me. I was going to marry you and if I didn’t see you with Echo I probably would’ve, and it would’ve been the biggest mistake of my life. We need to be honest with ourselves, it’s the only way.”

“She means nothing Clarke.”

“You asked me to make the girl you were sleeping with a bridesmaid in my wedding. Do you not see how wrong that is?” Clarke asks, “Why did you even do that, so she would be around more?”

“I made a mistake Clarke, let me fix it.”

“It won’t change anything.”

“I don’t want to end this!” he said trying to grab the blonde’s hand, but she pulled away,

“I can’t sacrifice my happiness for this anymore and you shouldn’t either, it seemed like you have strong feelings for Echo so-.”

“I don’t Clarke!” he shouted,

“I want you to be happy, I’m sorry it couldn’t be with me.”

“We can still be happy Clarke; we don’t have too get married right away we can work on this and fix everything.” He pleaded and Clarke knew she was beating a dead horse until he started being honest with himself.

“I’m sorry Bellamy, but we can’t.” She said standing from her chair, “I hope you can understand but I need to try and get my life back.”

“So, what you’re just going to leave me?” he yelled standing as well slamming his fists on the desks, “What are you going to do? Go back to New York and sing at shitty dive bars?”

“I think so, yeah.” She said smiling slightly ignoring his tone and the fact that he meant that as an insult,

“You’ll regret this Clarke.”

“Don’t make me leave here under bad terms Bellamy, please try and understand. Please try and be honest with yourself about all this, about me about you even about Echo. Try and be honest and maybe you can be happy too.” She said giving him one last look before walking out if the room.

The looming dread and the huge weight on her shoulders gone, she was free and now all that was left was to attempt to get her life back. It wouldn’t be easy, but nothing hardly is.

When she returned to the porch Raven and Octavia were sitting silently waiting for her. Raven jumped up instantly at the sight of her, but Octavia stood slowly looking at her like she was waiting for some explanation.

Octavia has been her best friend since the first day of high school and she loved her dearly. They were always there for each other no matter what, but this was a tough situation because Bellamy was her brother. She understood completely why she was upset; she had left her brother at the alter after all but on the hand, she didn’t feel like she owed her an explanation. Bellamy knew her reasons now and it was their relationship.

“Why did you do this Clarke?” the brunette finally asked causing the blonde to sigh,

“It wasn’t right, it’s never been right I just didn’t have the courage before.”

“So, you suddenly found it and decided to leave him at the alter?” She scolded,

“I don’t love him O.” Octavia idolized her brother; they were close and telling her he had been cheating on her for god knows how long would be pointless now.

“So why didn’t you to tell him that instead pulling this selfish stunt?”

“I know I went about it the wrong and I’m sorry I feel horrible, but I couldn't do it. Being up there and seeing him and realizing what I was about to do, it was a wakeup call I desperately needed.” She explained, but like Bellamy she knew whatever she said wouldn’t help, “You’re my best friend Octavia and I love you; I don’t want this to affect us, but I understand if you need time to be here for your brother before we can resume our friendship. I just hope one day you’ll understand what I did.”

“Never” she mumbled turning away from the girl and walking back inside and Clarke would be lying if she said she didn’t feel her heart break a little from the girl’s words.

“She’ll come around.” Raven assured grabbing the blonde’s hand as they walked to her car, “Where to next, mama griffins?”

“Hell no.” Clarke exclaimed, if the fifty missed calls from her mom told her anything it’s that she was pissed.

Abby loved Bellamy and when they started dating, she couldn’t have been happier even if her daughter wasn’t. They hadn’t had the best relationship when her dad died and when she decided to study music that was the straw that broke the camels back. The older woman refused to pay for her school which was fine because she got a scholarship, but she also lost what was left of their relationship.

Luckily, her dad left her a hefty sum of money so that helped her stay afloat but she knew she needed to make it lasts so she started working. She wasn’t picky about jobs and she took pretty much anyone she could find whether that was waitressing, bartending and at one point she even worked as an escort before she found her job at the gallery, the escort one no one knows about except Raven.

She never slept with anyone it was exclusively going on dates with wealthy men. Sometimes it was to events or other times it was just for comfort. She wasn’t ashamed of the job, but she also knew how people would react, so she kept it to herself and Raven was the only person she trusted not to judge her.

But her relationship with Abby only improved once she started dating Bellamy and now that she’s not she expected it to return to its broken state.

“She did look pissed when I snuck off to pick you up.” Raven sighed,

“I texted Kane and let him know I was fine; I don’t owe her more than that.” Clarke replied, she knew her step dad would relay the message. 

“Then where to Princess?”

Where to, that was the question she’s been asking herself since the moment she left the wedding. She couldn’t stay in this town and New York was the only other place she’d rather be, so it seemed obvious to go there but why was she hesitant?

Was Lexa right, was she scared to fail?

Lexa, mysterious stranger who turned her shitty day into something worth enjoying. Maybe she should listen to her advice and not think just do, her dreams were in New York and that’s where she needed to be.

“New York.”

* * *

* * *

The next day she left her hotel that she rented for her and Raven just outside of Arkadia with the soul ambition of packing up her life and hopefully never returning. She arrived at the house early and luckily it was empty, she packed everything that was worth taking into her jeep and without another thought she followed Raven in her car back to the city.

Just being on the same road that led to New York felt liberating, and she hated how long it took her to finally have the strength to do this, but she was glad she did.

They arrived at Ravens apartment an hour later and started unpacking her things. Since she gave up her lease to move back to Arkadia she had no place to stay here. Granted she could stay at her studio, but Raven down right refused to let her with the claim that she needed a roommate anyways and this was perfect timing. Clarke knew that wasn’t true since Raven had a well-paying job as a mechanic and could probably live in most places in New York, but she was also happy to have the support. Raven place was in downtown Brooklyn not far from her studio, so it was convenient for her as well.

“What now?” Raven asked the blonde as they spread out on the bed in her new room,

“I was thinking I could go out, see who’s hiring maybe even go to the gallery and beg for my job back.”

“You can worry about that tomorrow, tonight we’re going to order hella food and binge watch movies and tv!” Raven said standing from the bed, “Come on princess.”

* * *

* * *

Way too much food and several movies later Clarke was half sleep in her bed when she saw Lexa’s card glistening on her nightstand. Since their meeting, a few days ago she couldn’t help but feel this urge to call the woman. She didn’t know what it was about her, but her presence alone felt so overwhelming and comfortable and she didn’t even know her.

As much as she wanted to call the brunette, she also felt like she owed it to herself to get her shit together first. Lexa had given her good advice and now she needed to take it but, in the future, she would use the card because Lexa was definitely someone she wanted to see again.

* * *

* * *

Two weeks in and Clarke was officially on the verge of giving up, the gallery she used to work for hired someone already which meant she couldn’t go back there, and every other place seemed to not be hiring as well. There was always the option to start escorting again but at this stage in her life she didn’t want to do that. The money was amazing, and she made lots of it during the few months that she did it but faking conversations with wealthy wall street men and going to boring galas filled with people twice her age. She knew she could dip into the money her dad left her, but she always used that as a last result.

Any hope she had for getting her old life was running thin as she walked busy city streets. It had been another failed day of job searching and she was exhausted from all the walking, she texted Raven asking to meet for lunch where she planned to cry her eyes out and drink herself into oblivion of her failure. Her whole life had been a fail, here she was at twenty-six with no job, an ex-fiancé and no future. Where the hell was, she supposed to go from here?

“Clarke?”

The blonde looked up searching the direction the voice came from before stumbling on a familiar face,

“Harper!” she smiled walking closer to the girl giving her a big hug,

“Raven said you were back in New York; I was going to call you we need to get a drink or something!”

“Definitely.”

“How about this weekend, I know everyone will be excited to see you.”

“That sounds good, I missed you guys.” She smiled, leaving Arkadia for college was a god send for Clarke. She met so many people during college including Raven and others that she would consider friends for life.

“I heard you about you and Bellamy, I’m sorry to hear you guys broke up.” She offered,

“No, you’re not.” Clarke laughed, none of her friends here really liked Bellamy and he didn’t like them either and unfortunately it caused a strain on her friendships, but she wanted to fix it.

“I’m so not.” The other girl said laughing as well, “Even if I didn’t like him, I know it wasn’t hard so for that I’m sorry.”

“Thanks Harp.”

“So, what are you doing, are you back at the gallery?”

“No, I’m looking for a new job, but it seems everyone in New York is too because literally no one is hiring.” She huffed,

“Well, if you’re looking for a job, I may know something.”

* * *

* * *

Clarke buzzed into the restaurant her and Raven agreed on with a new wave of excitement. Just as she was loosing hope things took a turn and finally, she felt justified in her choice for moving back here.

The restaurant was busy, but she found the brunette easily at booth facing the window.

“Hey, I ordered you the chicken pasta I know you love your carbs.” Raven said barley looking up from her phone as Clarke slid into the seat,

“Thanks.” She smiled,

Raven looked up noticing her cheery tone and wide smile,

“What’s got you so happy?” she asked,

“I found a job!” she squealed; she was excited.

“Really? I knew you’d do it babe, where’s it at?”

“Ok so I ran into Harper and she told me Jasper needed a new bartender, so I called him and he’s letting me start tomorrow!” she explained happily, “He even said I could sing some nights, god Rae I was so ready to give up but now I’m just excited and I now it’s just a bartending job, but I’ll get to sing and ahh! I’m so happy.”

“Don’t downplay it Clarke, this is good! You’ll still have time to work on your art and your music while making money like you wanted so it’s perfect.”

“It is isn’t?” she smiled,

“We have to celebrate, drinks on me!” the brunette declared,

“Don’t you have to go back to work?”

“I can just take an early day.” She shrugged, “Perks of being the best damn mechanic Polaris has ever seen plus Becca won’t mind. So, drinks?”

“Drinks!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we'll be from Lexa's perspective, we'll learn more about her and a certain blonde just may make an appearance;) i struggled really hard about what i wanted to do with Bellamy meaning make him a bad guy or just let the breakup be amicable. this isn't the last time you'll see him but him and Clarke are def o v e r
> 
> love you for reading don't forget to leave me some feedback in the comments!


	3. Bartender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> learn more about Lexa!
> 
> sorry for mistakes

* * *

_**Good things can happen when you meet strangers**_

* * *

“Lexa why can’t you just hear me out?” Anya huffed,

“I did and I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Lexa replied, looking out the floor length window of her office taking in the Manhattan view,

“I don’t understand, you said this was your vison from the beginning. Building beautiful places in small towns even ones that aren’t so pretty.”

“And I meant it and we’ve been doing that from the beginning as I vowed, we would.”

“So, it applies to all small towns except TonDC, is that what your saying?” Anya asked clearly annoyed with her cousin and vice versa.

“Why are you doing this?” Lexa asks finally turning around to face the woman,

“Listen Lex, I know how you feel about TonDC, but it’s still are home-.”

“That place is not my home. “she interrupted,

“The people we love still live there and we have the means to make that place something it hasn’t been in decades.” Anya continued, “We can turn run down homes into affordable housing, we can do so much to the community thrive.”

Lexa wanted asks why she should help anyone from that town after the way they treated her, but she knew what her cousin would say. ‘You can’t blame everyone for a group of peoples actions Lexa.’ And yes, she knew that was true but she wasn’t comfortable even thinking about stepping foot back into that town let alone pouring her money into it.

“Just think about it.” Anya added seeing that she wouldn’t be getting the answer she wanted at this moment,

“Fine.”

“Maya says your mom called three times this week.”

“I know I’ll call her back.” Lexa replied plainly and Anya knew not to push,

“On another note, I talked to Lincoln this morning, he finished unpacking this morning. You should’ve heard him he was so excited.” She laughed,

“He should be, that apartment he’s staying in is worth eight grand a month.” She smirked,

“Oh, shut it, he offered to pay.”

“You know I would never allow that, he’s family.” Lincoln was Lexa’s first friend that she ever made. Growing up she wasn’t good at socializing and it was mostly because of her condition. She never knew how people would react, so she never let anyone close enough to find out. That was until fifth grade when she met a boy equally as stubborn as her and they became fast friends.

They had similar home lives which helped them understand each other and when Lexa told him about her condition he shrugged and said ‘I bet mine is bigger’ years later he apologized feeling like it was a bad joke, but Lexa found it funny.

“I know my cousins such a softy.” Anya grinned, “To celebrate Lincolns big move we’re going to get drinks. Maya’s boyfriend owns a bar so we’re going to go there tonight, apparently it’s a pretty popular downtown it’s called Delinquents.”

“I don’t know An.” She sighed; she was happy Lincoln was here, but bars weren’t really her scene not since she was in her early twenties at least. At thirty she felt clubbed and bar-ed out.

“Our best friend just moved here to start a new life and we are celebrating, go home and be ready by eight.” The blonde ordered before leaving the office.

“Great.” Lexa mumbled to herself packing up her stuff before also leaving for the day.

Everyone else had left hours ago but her and Anya were known for over working but they didn’t mind. They loved their jobs and they poured everything into what they did so if that meant working overtime, they would do it no questions asked. This business was everything to them and over the years they became the go to’s when it came to designing homes and business’s in New York which mean they stayed busy.

Lexa was proud of their success, both her and Anya came from a poor town with low-income households so they new what it was like to not be in a home you enjoy. It’s one of the main reasons they try and build their apartment complexes in rural areas as well as in the city. They make enough money to rent them for cheap while also giving people a nice place to call home.

It’s why Anya’s proposal to build in their hometown was so difficult for her, on one hand she wishes she had people trying to improve the community when she lived there but on the other it felt wrong improving a town that did nothing but ridicule and isolate her, her whole life.

When she left at eighteen, she vowed to never go back and for twelve years she’s stayed true to that. Her and Anya’s family was still in TonDC, but she would always pay for them to come to New York for visits and holidays which wasn’t very often. The only family she had was her Aunt Indra and Uncle Titus who were Anya and her other cousin Gaia’s parents, then of course there was Lincoln who she considered her brother. Technically her mom was also included in that list of family members, but they weren’t close. Her mom was someone she preferred not to think about and now that she started calling again it was nearly impossible.

Parents wasn’t something Lexa had much good experience with, her mom wasn’t much of a mom most of her life and her dad, well she didn’t meet him until she was nineteen. He turned out to be someone she didn’t know she needed, and he’s a big part of why she was able to make her business happen.

When they first met, she wanted nothing to do with him, why would she? She wasn’t a kid anymore praying her dad would show up and save her, she was an adult in college trying to build something for herself. But once she allowed him to explain everything, she decided to take the risk and get to know him, and she hasn’t regretted it since. Luckily, he too lived in New York, so she saw him often, along with his wife Grace and her little brother Aden who was now eighteen. When she found out about her dads’ family, she was frightened they wouldn’t except her but to her surprise they welcomed her with open arms, and she hasn’t looked back since.

When she arrived at her penthouse she went straight to the couch and threw herself into the soft coziness of the velvet cushions. She wanted to lay there for the rest of the night and maybe order food, but she knew if she wasn’t dressed soon Anya would bust in here making demands. After a few minutes she grabbed her phone seeing it was already 7 so she gathered all her energy and dragged herself to the shower.

The hot water hit her skin and she help but let out a soft moan, the last month has been hectic and any relaxing moment even something as simple as a hot shower needs taken advantage of. She loved work but now that it was time to pick a new neighborhood to invest in it was getting stressful. She knew Anya wanted her to pick TonDC, but she want to explore other options which is what led them to Shadow Valley. The land there was useless and to make matters worse they got a flat causing them to be there far much longer than need be.

One good thing did come out of that trip though and that was Clarke. It had been a month and she was sure the blonde had long forgot about her, but she couldn’t forget the blonde if she tried. The woman was breath takingly gorgeous and those blue eyes were engrained in her mind for life she was sure of it.

Talking with her was the most exciting thing to happen to her in a long time and when it was over, she couldn’t help but feel sad. She did hope the blonde would use her number though but seeing as it’s been a month it wasn’t seeming likely.

In hinds sight it was probably for the best, romance was not something Lexa partook in for her own reasons. The most she did was the occasional hookup and maybe that’s what she need. Maybe she needed to let off some steam, but she wasn’t one for random hookups, she only slept with people she knew which could sometimes be messy and other times make for a good sex buddy.

She could call Luna but that would only get messy, they started sleeping together about a year ago and everything was perfect until Luna wanted more and Lexa didn’t, so she ended their arrangement. She still saw the woman often since they had the same friend group, but the sex was no longer happening, and she would always catch Luna staring at her longingly and it made her feel bad. So, she made it a point to not go to the hangouts she would be at and calling her now wouldn’t be fair to Luna, so she decided against that. Maybe she could be unpredictable and take someone she didn’t know home from the bar…. No that wasn’t likely.

At the sound of the front door opening Lexa turned off the shower and went to her closet for clothes. She didn’t really feel like wearing anything to fancy so she chucked on some black ripped boyfriend jeans over her compression shorts and a loose black tank that showed a little cleavage. Regularly she loved wearing heels, but tonight she wanted to be chill, so she threw on some doc martens. Her curly hair was out of control and frizzy from the heat, so she quickly threw in a French braid that rested down her back.

Once her eyeliner and lipstick were as desired, she grabbed her bag and headed into the living-room where Anya and Lincoln awaited.

“Make yourself at home why don’t you.” She remarked getting their attention, Lincoln instantly running to give the girl a hug which she happily accepted. “Good to see your bro, how’s the apartment?”

“I missed you Lex, and It’s great, thank you both for that by the way.”

“You don’t thank family Linc.” Lexa replied, “But you can buy me a drink tonight.”

“Deal.”

“Glad I didn’t have to drag your ass out.” Anya smirked, “It’s always better when you cooperate.”

“Yeah, whatever lets just go before I change my mind.”

* * *

* * *

One cab ride later and Lexa was standing outside of what could only be described as a dive with an eccentric take. It was different form the glamourous restaurants and five star dining she had become accustomed to the past few years, but she liked it.

The big red neon sign red ‘Delinquents’ and there was a line out the door which she had never seen for a bar, mostly clubs.

“Is this place new?” Lexa asked Anya as they walked to the door,

“Probably like a year old, people love it though.” She answered before greeting the man at the door, handing him a ticket.

“Head on in.” he nodded,

The trio walked in and were immediately greeted with loud 80’s rock which was surprising, but she had no objections. There were people everywhere some dancing others sitting in booths laughing and drinking. All in all, it seemed like everyone was having a good time.

“There’s Mya.” Anya pointed, spotting the girl talking to a slightly taller man with shoulder length hair and what looked like goggles place tightly on his head. “That must be her boyfriend, he seems.”

“Interesting?” Lexa suggested seeing Maya waving them over,

“Let’s go with that.”

“Hey guys!” Maya smiled greeting the trio, “Glad you could make it, this is my boyfriend Jasper.”

“Nice place you got here.” Lincoln complimented, still taking in his surroundings,

“Thanks man, pretty proud of it.” Jasper grinned, “Tonight drinks are on me, Maya tells me we’re celebrating someone’s debut to the big city!”

“That we are!” Anya replied motioning to the huge man beside her, “Lincoln hears going to be a big shot social worker.”

“I’m more of an aid right now.” He corrected,

“Don’t downplay it.” Lexa scolded, her and Lincoln were the same age but unlike her he didn’t go to college after high school. He decided to stay and take care of his little sister Madi since his mom was MIA. Lexa admired that but she was sad to see him put his life on hold so once she had her career cemented, she put money aside and when they turned twenty-five and he came to New York for a visit she gave him check. Since they met Lincoln had always talked about becoming a social worker. He wanted to help kids like them and knowing how passionate he was Lexa wanted to help.

Of course, he was hesitant to take the money but Madi was out of high school at this point and working as a nurse in Polis so he knew she would be ok and so he applied to schools and started his journey. Now he was graduated and working in downtown Brooklyn as a social working assistant and he loved it.

“Their right.” Maya agreed, “I studied social work and this city could use all the help it can get especially in the kids department.”

“That’s where I’m specializing.” Lincoln smiled, branching off with the girl to continue their chat on social working gaps in the city.

“Seriously though guys drinks on me, the bars up there tell Clarke, or Harper I sent you.”

“Clarke?” Lexa said before her brain could digest what the boy had just said,

“Yeah, my newest bartender and occasional entertainment. If you guys like chill alternative music you should come, see her sing she’s great.” Jasper said before spotting someone at the door, “I gotta go greet a friend but you guys let me know if you need anything!”

“Clarke, the Clarke?” Anya asked but at this point Lexa’s eyes were trained on the bar. It was crowded with people, but she caught of flash of blonde and she was sure her heart stopped.

Clarke was here, thirty feet away and for some reason her feet couldn’t move. Could she really just walk up there and start a casual conversation with the girl? Sure, they had a really amazing first talk but maybe that’s all it was, just two strangers meeting and venting and then never seeing each other again. Except she wanted to see the blonde again and here she was but what if the feelings weren’t mutual?

“Go up there.” Anya said snapping her out of her gaze, “You haven’t stopped talking about this girl for the last month go say hi.”

“She didn’t call.” Lexa finally said, “I gave her my number and she didn’t use it so maybe she just isn’t interested.”

“Didn’t you say she had literally just left someone at the alter?” Anya asked, “I mean she’s probably been trying to get her shit together. Meanwhile I’m spotting the woman of my dreams and unlike you I’m not too chicken to go talk to her.”

Lexa watched the girl wonder off towards a brunette who was talking to some boy with floppy hair. The woman looked excited to see her and she recognized her as the one to pick Clarke up that day.

“Ok Lexa get your shit together.” She murmured to herself as she made her way to the bar spotting one free stool that she hurriedly took.

A wave of blonde flew past her eyes, but it wasn’t Clarke instead a staller woman who she assume must’ve been who Jasper called Harper. She was beautiful but nothing compared to Clarke who she didn’t see anywhere.

She was starting to think the blonde may have went home for the night until she saw her appear from the around the corner impressively carrying at least six bottles of tequila in her hands.

Finally she could see her just as stunning as the day they met except this time there was no white dress and no vail trailing down her back. Instead, her long blonde waves were free, and she was wearing high wasted black jean shorts with long sleeve black shirt and like Lexa she had on some black docs. She noticed that both her and the other bartender had goggles similar to Jaspers, it must be an employee thing.

She watched silently as Clarke expertly took orders and made drinks all while wearing the most beautiful smile that’s ever existed.

For a moment she was scared Harper would take her order but luckily, she got distracted and Clarke was making her way towards her. It wasn’t until she was halfway there that their eyes met.

Blue met green and it was like everything stopped, nothing else was there just them and Lexa wasn’t sure if she could survive how fast her heart was beating but she loved it. She loved having this stranger look at her and when she was finally standing in front of her with a warm smile on her face her heart stopped completely.

“Lexa.” She smiled still taking in the fact that her mysterious stranger was here in the flesh and looking better than remembered.

“Hi Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo happy with how many people are loving this so far! don't forget to comment i love hearing what you guys think!!


	4. Manhattans and Brooklyn’s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for mistakes!
> 
> a Brooklyn and a Manhattan are actually very similar drinks btw

* * *

_**Happiness is a butterfly, Try to catch it like every night. It escapes from my hands into moonlight** _

* * *

“Would it be too on the nose to order a Manhattan?” Lexa smirked,

“Yes, I think so.” The blonde laughed,

“Fine, how about a Brooklyn then?” she said quirking her brow,

“One Brooklyn coming up.” Clarke smirked before turning to make the woman’s drink. She could feel green eyes watching her every move and there was no denying how much she craved the attention from the brunette.

It had been a month since she left her old life behind and she’s thought about Lexa almost everyday since. Mostly she thought about their talk, her words, telling her to follow her dreams instead of settling something she desperately needed to hear.

She honestly didn’t know if she would’ve had the courage to actually come back to New York, not after she gave everything up. But a perfect stranger reminded her that her dreams were worth chasing and she finally believed it.

“One Brooklyn for the most beautiful woman in the Manhattan.” Clarke smiled setting the drink on front of the brunette seeing a slight blush creeping into her tanned face.

“Let see if your bartending skills are as good as Jasper says.” Lexa grabbed the glass taking a sip of the dark liquid instantly being hit with spice flavors of the rum then the bitter but slightly sweet maraschino liqueur.

“So, what will it be?”

“Hm, I think you’re the only one who can make this drink appealing to me.” The brunette smiled, “Truth is alcohol’s never been my thing.”

“I hate to say it, but this might not be the right place for you.”

“It’s not, but I’m not disappointed I ended up here.”

“Me either.”

“Confident words for someone who still hasn’t used my number.”

“I wanted to.” Clarke said honestly, there have been many time she wanted to call but she’s had a lot going on. She is however glad the woman is here even though she had no clue how or why. “I just needed to get my head together and finish closing off my old life in Arkadia.”

“I understand.” She smiled, “So I see you did decide to come back to New York after all.”

“Yeah, I think it was the first right choice I’ve made in a while. Meeting you gave me the push I needed, and I don’t plan wasting anymore time.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“I want to talk more but it’s busy tonight and Harper’s already struggle.” Clarke said looking over to the poor girl grappling with several orders. “Are you here alone, will you be around a while?”

“I’m here with my cousin and my brother.” Lexa pointed to the huge man in the far corner talking to some red head and Anya dancing with Clarke’s Latina friend Raven, “From the looks of it they don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.

“Well, my replacement should be here in about an hour, maybe we can talk more then?” Clarke suggested hoping the woman wouldn’t turn her down,

“I’d like that.”

“Ok.” The blonde smiled confidently, “I’ll find you later?”

“I’ll be here.”

* * *

* * *

Ten minutes into sitting at the bar Lexa decided to find a booth and wait for the blonde. Almost immediately she regretted it because women kept trying to approach her and she hated rejecting people. It made her uncomfortable and almost feel guilty but only one person would be getting her attention tonight and it wasn’t going to be some random from the bar.

Thankfully not long after sitting Lincoln joined her then Anya and Raven who seemed to be hitting it off with her cousin quite well. Lexa was surprised mostly by Anya who never showed interest in anyone well not since her ex-Tris.

But Raven seemed nice, she was beautiful and appeared to keep up well with Anya in the witty banter department. It almost seemed like a match made in heaven and she was happy for her cousin.

“That floppy haired boy you were talking to is staring daggers at me.” Anya said to Raven who looked over laughing a little,

“Finn’s harmless.” She shrugged,

“Boyfriend of yours?” Lincoln asked getting a disgusted look from the brunette,

“God no, childhood friend.” Raven corrected,

“Who just so happens to want to get in her pants.” Clarke adds before looking to a smiling Lexa, “Mind if I sit?”

“Not at all.” Lexa smiled scooting over making room for the blonde to sit,

“Finally, free Griff?” Raven asked.

“Monroe just got here so my shift is officially over.” Clarke confirmed settling in her seat beside Lexa, their hands were almost touching they were sitting so close and Clarke couldn’t help but feel nervous. It’s been years since she’s had romantic feelings for someone, and she wasn’t even sure if Lexa wanted anything romantic with her or if this whole time, she was just being friendly.

“Good which means we can get you drunk!” Raven said excitedly,

“No Rae I’m good but feel free to drink as much as you want, it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to drag you home.” She smirked,

“It was once, and we don’t talk about that!” Raven sniped before turning to Anya, “Anyways how about a dance hotness?”

“Lead the way.”

“I’m going to hit the bar.” Lincoln announced also getting up, “You two want anything?”

“I’m ok.” Lexa answered,

“Me too.” Clarke smiled holding out her hand, “I’m Clarke by the way.”

“Lincoln, it’s nice to finally meet you.” He replied holding in his laugh as Lexa’s face turned beat red,

“Been talking me up have you?” Clarke asked playfully smacking the brunette’s shoulder,

“It’s not everyday you meet a beautiful stranger and never hear from her again.” She smiled, “So tell me Clarke what have you been doing since we last talked?”

Clarke sighed before telling Lexa everything that’s happened in the last month such as officially ending things with Bellamy, moving in with Raven, finally visiting her studio and of course working at the bar.

“Sounds like you’ve been busy.”

“Trying to be.” Clarke shrugged, “How about you, I know you’re an architect but that’s about it.”

“Well, what would just like to know?” Lexa asked,

“Besides Lincoln do you have any other siblings?”

“No, technically Lincoln isn't my brother i do have a half brother though his name is Aden. Me and Lincoln have been close since we were kids and even if he’s not biologically my brother he’s still my family.”

“I get that, I’m an only child too but growing up my best friend Octavia was like my sister. We were practically joined at the hip.”

“Does she live in New York too?” Lexa asked,

“No, she’s back in Arkadia hating me.” Clarke sighed, a month and O still wouldn’t talk to her.

“Why?”

“She’s Bellamy’s sister.”

“Oh.” Lexa nodded understandably, “Well I’m sure with time she’ll understand why you had to walk away, and it wasn’t like he was completely faithful to you anyhow.”

“I didn’t tell her.” Clarke said sighing, “It seemed cruel, she adores Bellamy if I need to be the bad guy in the situation so she doesn’t despise her own brother then I will.”

“That’s really thoughtful of you Clarke.”

‘God I love the way she says my name.’ Clarke thought as her eyes quickly scanned over the plump red lips,

“Yeah, I guess.” Clarke finally said taking a sip of the water she brought over with her.

She just got out of a relationship was she seriously considering jumping into another one? But Lexa seemed so different, she was kind and sweet and drop dead gorgeous and Clarke wanted to know her.

“So, are you from Manhattan?” Clarke asked in an attempt to change the subject,

“No, Massachusetts actually but I came here for college and never looked back.”

“Sounded like my plan.”

“You don’t like your hometown?” Lexa asked,

“Arkadia’s fine, it’s very grow up go to college get a job and start family. Not many people stray from that path.”

“But you did.” Lexa smiled,

“Yeah, just barley though.” She laughed, “How bout you, what’s your hometown like?”

Lexa couldn’t help but internally groan at the question, there’s nothing she hated more than her hometown.

“You don’t have to answer.” Clarke added noticing her discomfort.

“No, it’s ok, uhm TonDC is not really a place I like all that much growing up. It’s mostly a low-income town filled with drug attics and townies. I guess you could say living there can only lead to one path as well. So, when I had the chance, I got the hell out of there.”

“Then, here’s to straying from the path.” Clarke smiled holding up her water,

“I’ll drink to that.” Lexa laughed clinking her ice water against the blonde’s bottle. “Jasper tells me you sing here.”

“Yeah, every other Friday night.” She smiled, “Some friends of ours are really good with the instruments so they help me out.”

“Have you known Jasper long?”

“We met in college; I went to art school but an old girlfriend of mine went to NYU so I would go to parties there a lot. It’s actually how I met Raven and pretty much all of my friends here. How do you know Jas?”

“I don’t actually, we just met tonight but his girlfriend Maya is my research assistant for my company, and she invited us.”

“Maya’s a sweetheart, I knew she worked at some big fancy company I just had no clue it was yours.” She smirked,

“I wouldn’t say big and fancy.”

“I’ve seen that woman’s paychecks.”

“We value our employees.”

“That’s good, I didn’t realize it until now, but I’ve seen one of your properties.”

Really?” Lexa asked,

“It was a couple of years ago, Maya was telling us about how the company she works for takes on charity events. I think the one that years was for the homeless and you guys built a new shelter and community center for the kids.” Clarke smiled, “It’s very close to my studio down in Brooklyn so I walk past it often, it’s a beautiful building.”

“Beautiful buildings are my thing.” She winked, “Me and Anya value our charity projects, we didn’t grow up with much so if we can help, we do. That year’s project was my favorite, we homed over three hundred people in under a week.”

“That’s amazing Lexa.”

“Oh lord, why does she have to sound so amazing saying my name.’ Lexa thought,

“We try.”

“Don’t be modest.” Clarke replied, taking in the green eyes looking back at her. What the hell was this woman doing to her, “Do you maybe want to dance?”

“You want to dance with me?” Lexa asked, internally scolding her herself for the stupid question,

“Well yeah dork.” She laughed moving out of the booth and holding her hand out, “Only if you want to.”

Without thinking Lexa took her hand letting herself be lead towards the other drunken dancing fools. She had no clue what Clarke Griffin was doing to her but her whole being gravitated towards her. Every time her blue eyes would look into her own her heart would stop before craving more of her gaze. She wanted to know her, she wanted to kiss her honestly, she wanted to give her everything because that’s what she deserves.

But she had no clue if this was romantic for Clarke or if she was being friendly. Even if she didn’t love her fiancé she did just get out of a relationship and Lexa understood that. If this was romantic and Clarke shared feelings for a well then, she would wait for her to be ready for as long as it takes.

Once they reached a clear spot on the dance floor Clarke started dancing in the rhythm of the beat prompting Lexa to join. Drinking and clubs may not be the brunette’s thing, but she didn’t mind dancing especially not with such a beautiful woman.

She swayed her body to the beat enjoying watching the fluidity in how Clarke’s body moved. The song was fast, but Lexa felt everything in slow motion specifically when the blonde grabbed her hands and placed them her waist.

Lexa was freaking out and she was embarrassed, her emotions were like one a teenager, but she’s never felt this before. Her hands held onto the blonde’s hips until the song changed prompting the blonde to turn around and start grinding against the brunette. If she wasn’t freaking out before she definitely was now but one look from Anya across the room and she tried to calm herself down.

It was just dancing, no big deal.

“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me you know?” Clarke whispered in her ear before taking the brunettes hands into her own and pressing them into her waist. The song ended but the two stayed pressed together into the next one and the one after that until a slower song played and Clarke turned around. She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck and swayed to the slow beat of the song.

She had no clue what was happening or what they were doing or what would even happen after this but that didn’t matter. All that she cared about was enjoying this moment, wrapped in the taller woman’s arms as they slow danced in the middle of a bar.

“I never thought I’d see you again.” Clarke whispered absently mindedly playing with the curls sticking out of the brunette’s braid.

“How do you feel now that you have?” Lexa asked hesitantly, this felt vulnerable and that wasn’t something she let herself be often if ever.

“Glad.” She smiled, “I don’t know how to explain it but I just- I feel this connection with you that I don’t think I’ve ever felt with anyone. And when I seen that you were in the bar my heart did cartwheels at just the thought of talking to you. I probably sound crazy-.”

“You don’t.” Lexa interrupted, “Sound crazy I mean, I felt same way. There’s something about you Clarke I just feel like I need know you.”

“I do still owe you a milkshake you know?”

“I do recall something like that yeah.” She smiled, pushing back a few blonde strands that were blocking her vision of those beautiful blue orbs.

“Let me take you to dinner.” Clarke said hoping and praying a rejection is not in her future,

“I’d like that.”

“Really?”

“Yes dork.” Lexa mocked giggling at the blonde’s blush,

“Are you busy tomorrow? I know a place that has amazing sea food if that’s your thing.”

“Lucky you, I am free tomorrow and I do indeed love seafood.”

“Then it’s settled, tomorrow I’ll wine and dine you.” Clarke smiled,

“I can’t wait.” Lexa said wholeheartedly,

“Lex, Lincs hammered and passed out in the booth I think it’s time to jump ship.” Anya said walking over to the pair who pulled away from each other both sporting blushes, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine Anya.” Lexa sighed, before turning back to Clarke, “I guess this is goodnight.”

“Do you live far?” Clarke asked spotting a groaning Lincoln not too far away,

“Just up town.”

“Well, if you didn’t drive, I could give you a ride, taxis are always hell on Friday nights.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that Clarke.”

“I’m offering, come on my jeeps out back.” Clarke said before walking off to grab Raven.

* * *

* * *

Once everyone was in Clarke started the journey to Lexa’s address, she couldn’t help but notice it was in the very rich part of town. Of course, she knew Lexa was wealthy but as they pulled up to beautiful black skyrise she realized just how wealthy.

“This is amazing.” She said in awe, staring out of her car window,

“Thanks, we built it.” Lexa said proudly as she helped Anya with Lincoln,

Clarke got out as well just in case they needed anymore assistance, but Lincoln was walking well enough to make it to the elevator with Anya by his side leaving Clarke and Lexa to their goodbyes.

“I hope he’s ok.” Clarke chuckled a little,

“He’ll be fine but if he throws up anywhere near my velvet couch, I’ll probably kill him.” Lexa said seriously,

“Well, I hope your night does not end in a murder.”

“I’m thinking more justifiable homicide.” She smirked,

“Or plead insanity.”

“That too.”

“It’s was really good to see you tonight Lexa.”

“You too Clarke.” She smiled, the blonde’s lips were right there in front of her and she wanted them so bad but tonight wasn’t the time. She still needed to make sure that was something Clarke even wanted.

“I’ll text you the details of everything tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait.”

“Goodnight Lexa.”

“Goodnight Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clexa date coming up or is it a date??
> 
> love for reading thank you so much for the support!!!!


	5. The First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long hope you enjoy! 
> 
> sorry for mistakes

**_if you're looking you can find me on Cloud 9_ **

* * *

**_UNKNOWN:_** _Hi Lexa! It’s Clarke. 1:10pm_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Finally putting my number to good use huh?” 1:11pm_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Yes well, I thought I would! 1:13pm_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _I was texting to confirm you still wanted to get dinner tonight. 1:13pm_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Of course! 1:14 pm_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Great, I have to go, I have a meeting with my landlord about my studio space, but I’ll pick you up at 7. 1:15pm_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Can’t wait, oh is this place fancy? How should I dress? 1:16pm_

 **_CLARKE_ ** _: It’s dinner casual, but feel free to impress me Manhattan. 1:18pm_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Hmm, I’ll think about it. See you soon Brooklyn. 1:18pm_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _See you soon! 1:19pm_

Lexa couldn’t stop the smile from taking over her whole face as she re-read over her brief conversation with the blonde. She had pretty much been waiting for this text since they met a little over a month ago and now that it finally happened, she was ecstatic. But it was more than a text, they were going out on a date- wait was it a date?

No one ever specifically said the word ‘date’, but it was implied right? Last night they practically admitted to being drawn to each other so surly Clarke didn’t mean that in a platonic friend type of way….

Or maybe she did, maybe that’s exactly what she meant and now they were going out simply out as friends.

She didn’t even know if Clarke liked women, she was just engaged to a man although that didn’t mean she wasn’t bi. She also mentioned something about an ex-girlfriend last night, but she could also mean ex friend sometimes woman refer to their friends as girlfriend.

There was also the fact that she wasn’t just a regular woman, she came with something extra and some woman even if they are lesbians aren’t ok with it. And although Clarke didn’t seem like the type to ridicule her for that she always had to be weary. She never knew who would judge her and who would except her, it was the main reason she didn’t date often. Granted people are laxer in New York than in her small hometown but after being treated one way your whole life for something out of your control it tends to make one build walls. It scared her to think that Clarke wouldn’t except her but the only way to know was to put all the cards on the table, only once she confirms that this is indeed a date.

Could she just text Clarke and asks or should she wait until they’re at dinner? She needed advice because she was lost and useless to figuring this mystery out.

She quickly picked up her phone and dialed Anya’s number hearing it ring a few times before the woman picked up.

“What?” the woman groaned,

“Rude, don’t tell me I woke you up?” Lexa asked as she paced her living room,

“I literally left your house two hours ago I needed a nap.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I need you.”

“What’s wrong?” Anya asked, anything sign of annoyance gone. Lexa was her baby cousin; she was protective of her always.

“Clarke asked me to dinner and I’m trying to figure out if it’s just dinner or if it’s a date.”

“For fuck sake.” Anya groaned, “Obviously it’s a date.”

“But how do you know?”

“Lex, I saw the way you two were gazing into each other’s eyes last night. Clearly you’re both interested but if you need clarity why don’t you just ask her?”

“What if I ask her and it’s not a date?” she sighed, “I really like her and I haven’t like anyone like this in well ever I don’t think.”

“You’re working yourself up because you’re nervous, just relax and take a deep breath. The only thing you can do is ask, make it clear that you like her and that you want it to be a date.”

“You make it sound so easy.” She groaned collapsing down on the couch,

“Because it is.”

“Then there’s also the fact that she doesn’t know I’m intersex, what if she’s not ok with that?”

“You’re a great person Lexa and any woman would be lucky to even get to take you to dinner. If Clarke lets the fact that you have different anatomy than her change her opinion of you then she’s not worth your time. But she seems nice and I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Lexa wanted to believe those words, but she had been hurt before by bigots and those scars run deep.

“Don’t let the past run your life Lexa, Clarke isn’t like the people in TonDC don’t deem her as such before you even give her a chance.”

“You’re right.”

“Duh, now where is she taking you?”

* * *

* * *

Walking into Raven’s apartment Clarke couldn’t help but feel the prior excitement she had when she woke up completely leave her body. Her morning was great, she made breakfast worked out and texted with Lexa a bit but the moment she met with the landlord of her studio space was the moment any joy she had evacuated her body.

Initially she assumed the meeting was about rent changes or maintenance upkeep but that was wishful thinking.

“Clarke?” Raven said popping her head over the couch to see the blonde sulking through the door, “What’s wrong?”

“The people I rent my studio from are selling.” She sighed throwing herself on the couch and into her friend’s arms, “The person who bought it is turning the space into some kind of legal offices.”

“Shit, Clarke.”

“I have a few weeks to figure how what I’m going to do.”

“We’ll find something new.” Raven assured her, “Worst case scenario you bring your studio here, or we rent a bigger place.”

“You’ve done too much for me already Raven, I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re my best friend Clarke and I love you, so we’ll figure this out together. Tomorrow we’ll start looking for spaces tonight you need to get ready for your date!” she smirked,

“God it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date.” Clarke groaned, “I don’t even know to anymore.”

Raven laughed causing the blonde to face her,

“What’s so funny?”

“You were dating someone for like 3 years, did Bellamy not take you on dates?”

“We watched tv together some nights.” Clarkes shrugged,

“Tv?”

“With food.” She added, “Sometimes a movie.”

“He was probably too busy fucking Echo to take you on dates.” Raven replied causing Clarke to sigh,

“I told you that in a drunken state but that doesn’t mean you get to bring it up.”

“Fine, now you have Lexa anyways.”

“Do you think it’s too soon for me to date?” Clarke asked insecurely,

“Seeing as you’ve been emotionally checked out of that relationship for a while now, no.” Raven said honestly, “Do you feel like it’s too soon?”

“I like Lexa, she’s the first person I’ve liked in a really long time. I want to get to know her and I’m not saying we’re going to jump into a relationship, but I do want to see where things go.” Clarke said, “I don’t even know If she feels the same.”

“So, ask her tonight, speaking of what time are you picking her up?”

“Not until 7.”

“Clarke you do know it’s 5:30 right?”

“What?” Clarke gasped searching for her phone and sure enough it was 5:37pm “Shit I need to shower and get ready.”

It didn’t take her long to get ready but she did still have to drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan and she didn’t want to be late plus it was the weekend so traffic would be hectic.

Quickly she started her shower opting out of washing her hair due to lack of time, but it was only second day hair, so it was fine. Once she was clean, she hoped out and rummaged through every piece of clothing she owned. It was summertime so she wanted to wear a dress, but she hated everything she owned. All of her clothes were boring and drabby, and that was because the majority of them were bought in Arkadia.

Bellamy never liked any of her clothes when they lived in New York, he said they were too revealing and made people stared. So of course, Clarke being the pleaser she was, changed the way she liked to dress for him as well. It was moments like this that her realize maybe Bellamy wasn’t as good of a guy as she always thought. They never went on dates; he constantly bashed her clothes and her dreams of being a singer. They barley had sex which she didn’t mind, anytime they did it usually ended with her faking an orgasm just to get him to finish so they could be done. She was attracted to Bellamy; he was a good-looking guy, but he liked everything slow and his way and it just wasn’t what she liked, and he was never opened to doing the things she liked. She was going to marry this person; it still boggles her mind now that she feels like she’s been deprogrammed.

The past month she’s been putting herself first and it’s been incredible, she only wished she had done it sooner.

She had thirty minutes before she needed to leave if she wanted to pick up Lexa on time and she still needed an outfit. Looking through her clothes was useless, so she threw on some panties and a bra before running to Ravens room down the hall.

“I have nothing to where.” She declared before opening the brunettes walk in closet,

“What’s mine is yours.” Raven called barley taking her eyes off of her laptop,

Clarke looked around going straight for the dresses, her and Raven were practically the same size except for in the boob department. Meaning she needed something loose enough, so the girls aren’t falling out but also something flattering on the rest of her body.

Luckily, Raven had good taste and soon enough she narrowed it down to a flowy leopard skirt and a black scoop neck silk tank top or a navy flowy dress with floral detailing. Ultimately, she decided on the skirt, it wasn’t too fancy, and it made her ass look amazing which was a plus. She had the perfect shoes to match and 10 minutes to throw some curls in her hair.

“Thoughts?” Clarke asked exiting the closet spinning before facing the grinning brunette,

“Hot! Like really hot!”

“But is it too hot?” Clarke asked, “Is it too much for a first date?”

“Clarke you look perfect, it’s classy and sexy not too sexy it’s just enough.”

“You always know what to say.” She smiled,

“I know that’s why the ladies love me now go before you’re late.”

“I love you I’ll see you later.” she called already on her way back to her room,

“I won’t wait up!” Raven yelled,

“Not gonna be that kind of night Rae!” she laughed, plugging her curling iron in hear the brunette yell something inaudible but she didn’t have time to care.

Quickly she threw light curls into her long blonde locks, she hadn’t cut her hair since college and was borderline touching her butt. After she was satisfied with the outcome, she threw some light pink lipstick on and some mascara to make her eyes pop before grabbing her heels and purse and running out the door.

* * *

It was 6:30 and Lexa was feeling the nerves vibrate through her body, talking with Anya had calmed her down enough to distract herself for the day but in thirty minutes Clarke would be here and she would know for sure if this was a date or a friendly dinner.

Another stressor was what to wear, she wanted to look nice but all she really owned was business clothes and casual around the house or around town clothes, there was nothing in between. There was no way she was wearing a damn pants suit, finally she decided on flowy red pants with a one shoulder long sleeve black top. Her hair was in its natural curls down her back, she had no time to stress about taming it, so she left it. She put on her usual makeup of eyeliner, mascara, and red lips before slipping on some black block heels.

Her whole like Lexa has been very feminine, she liked makeup and dresses and heels and for a while she let people’s opinions dissuade her from enjoying those things. She let herself believe that because she had a penis, she couldn’t be a part of feminine culture even though she was a female but moving to new York taught her that dresses and makeup and heels weren’t just for females. Anyone can wear it and love it no matter the gender, so she embraced it. It was the first step for her to take back her identity after leaving TonDC. For years she let the people there run her life, it took leaving to realize she didn’t have to do that.

It was 6:45 and Lexa was staring at herself in the mirror, she was satisfied with her look, but she had to make sure her nerves were showing on the outside and they weren’t. She looked calm and collected which was a far cry from what she felt on the inside.

“You got this.” She whispered to herself before hearing her phone beep,

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Your chariot awaits. **6:47pm**_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _I realize how unclear that statement was. **6:47pm**_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Let me try that again, I’m here, I wanted to greet you at your door, but I don’t know what apartment you live in! **6:48pm**_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _On my way down!_

Lexa smiled at her phone before grabbing her bag and keys before leaving her apartment. The elevator ride was filled with deep breaths and self-pep talks but when the doors opened all of that stopped. She walked out of her building and was instantly greeted by the beautiful blonde.

There she was leaning against her black jeep holding a single rose that seemed to be green. She looked beautiful in printed skirt and thin strapped shirt that showed her smooth milky skin. Her long blonde locks framed her face perfectly and Lexa was in awe. How is it possible for someone this beautiful to exists?

“You look gorgeous as always!” Clarke complemented as she walked closer to the brunette, “I was driving by this shop that sold flowers and I saw this one.” She handed lexa the rose, “Apparently it’s meant to last up to a year, the color reminded me of your eyes, and I figured it was meant to be.”

“It’s beautiful.” She smiled, no one’s ever bought her flowers before, “You look beautiful Clarke.”

“Thank you.” She blushed, “Shall we?”

“Lead the way.”

Clarke smiled before walking back towards her jeep opening the passenger seat door for the woman who blushed at the gesture. Once she was safe inside Clarke shut the door and walked to her door climbing in as well. Clarke wasn’t very tall, and her jeep was a little hard for her to get in, but it was her dream car, and she couldn’t pass up getting it.

“Any music choices?” the blonde asked as she started the car,

“I like almost anything.” Lexa shrugged,

“Good, me too.” She smiled hitting shuffle on her phone before pulling off, “The restaurants about a twenty-minute drive from here, is that ok?’

“Of course.”

The remainder of the car ride was silent but comfortable, occasionally the pair would steal glances but other than that no words were shared.

Lexa did enjoy hearing the blonde sing as the music played through the car, her voice was nice and soothing, and she wanted to hear more of it.

A little over twenty-five minutes later they were pulling into a high-end restaurant called The Ark. Lexa had heard of this place, it was always booked, and it was damn near impossible to get a table but somehow Clarke seemed to.

“I hope you’re hungry because the food here is amazing.” Clarke smiled as she pulled up to the valet, “Ready?”

Lexa nodded opening her door waiting for Clarke who was giving the valet her keys. Lexa held the door open for her as they walked into the restaurant and once again Lexa was stunned.

The walls were filled with water as different sorts of fish swam within them as wells as crabs and lobsters. The lighting was low, and a soft jazz flowed through the room that was filled with people dining.

“Hi, do you ladies have a reservation?” The hostess asked,

“Yes, it should be under Clarke Griffin.”

“Got you right here.” She smiled grabbing a couple of menus before ushering for the pair to follow her.

Clarke and Lexa walked side by side their hands occasionally brushing causing both to smile.

When they arrived at their booth Clarke slid into one side while Lexa did the same, the hostess told them a few specials before leaving them to themselves.

“This place is amazing.” Lexa gushed still taking in the scenery, “I’ve heard of it, but it’s always booked.”

“It usually always is but the owner’s a close friend of mine and I wanted to bring you somewhere nice, so I called in a favor.” She smiled, “He kind of owed me.”

“You didn’t have to cash in a favor for me.”

“I wanted to.”

“Clarke.” Lexa started blue eyes staring back at her. This was it, “Is- is this a date?”

“Oh.” Clarke said looking at the woman in front of her, had she read this whole situation wrong? Did Lexa not want this to be a date, maybe she didn’t share the same feelings as she did. “I’m sorry if I overstepped by asking you here, I thought I was asking you on a date but if you prefer it not to be-.”

“No!” Lexa interrupted, “I do, want it to be a date I just didn’t know if you did.”

“I do.” She replied grabbing the brunette’s hand and intertwining it with her own, “I know I technically just got out of something, but I really like you Lexa and I want to explore this, if you don’t then I understand.”

“I like you too Clarke and I want to see where this goes but I feel like I need to be honest with you.” Lexa sighed, subconsciously she was already planning her getaway if Clarke didn’t like what she was about to say next. They passed a gas station about a mile back so she could walk there and wait for Anya to recuse her. Once that was settled, she turned her attention back to the blonde who squeezed her hand.

“I usually don’t talk about this in such a public settling but now that you’ve confirmed that this is a date and we both have feelings for each other I want to disclose this information. In the future I can go into more details if you want but basically, I’m intersex.” She said waiting for some reaction from Clarke but there wasn’t much of one, “I’m a female but I was born with male genitals, meaning I have a penis.”

There was a long pause and Lexa felt uneasy, she fucked up she shouldn’t have told her-

“Lexa, don’t scare me like that!” Clarke sighed slapping the girl’s arms, “I thought you were about to say you’re a professional bank robber or married with kids or something!”

Lexa couldn’t help but laugh at the blonde’s words, this is definitely not what she was expecting her reaction to be.

“A bank robber?” she chuckled,

“I don’t know! When people are ominous like that my mind goes off the rails.”

“So, it doesn’t bother you?” Lexa asked, “That I’m intersex.”

“No Lexa.” Clarke said grabbing both of the girl’s hands across the table, “I’m sorry if you thought it would, but you being intersex doesn’t change anything. You’re still the same beautiful mysterious woman I met in a weird diner and I still like you.”

Clarke watched as the brunette’s face flooded with relief and she couldn’t help but feel bad. It was clear she was prepared for a different answer and Clarke hoped that wasn’t because of anything she did.

“I’m used to getting an array of reactions.” Lexa admitted, “I don’t date often and when I do I like to be upfront about it. Some women don’t care but there have a been a few who well in nicer words didn’t understand.”

“Then they’re idiots.”

“I’m used to it really.” Lexa shrugged and Clarke’s heart ached,

“You shouldn’t be.” She said wholeheartedly, “People can be horrible and I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with that, but I will never ever make you feel indifferent for something that is normal.”

“Normal isn’t a word I’ve ever heard someone use.” Lexa said honestly,

“Well, it is, it’s more common than people think.” Clarke said seeing Lexa quirk her brow, “My mom’s a doctor I used to do a lot of medical research mostly to please her, but I actually learned a lot.”

Lexa wanted to question her further, but the waitress interrupted,

“Hi guys my name is Lori and I’ll be your server; can I get you started with some drinks?”

“I’ll take a mango Iced Tea please.” Clarke replied,

“I’ll have the same.”

“Perfect I’ll be right back with those.” The waitress smiled before walking off,

“So, Lexa tell me more about you.” Clarke said excitedly pushing her menu to the side, she ordered the same thing every time she came so she didn’t need it.

“I feel like there isn’t much to know, I’m a pretty boring person.”

“That can’t be true, what type of things do you do for fun?”

“I’m old I pretty much think working is fun.” She laughed,

“How old are you?” Clarke asked, they couldn’t be that far in age.

“I’m 30, I’ll be 31 in September.” Lexa answering seeing Clarke’s face turn to shock, “What?”

“Lexa you barely look 25.”

“Why thank you.” She laughed, “How old are you?”

“26, I won’t be 27 until next year. I’m a new year’s baby.”

“I’m sure that was fun for your mom.”

“Oh yeah, while everyone else is doing shots and drinking champagne she was laying in the hospital bed.”

“Are you guys close?” Lexa asked and almost immediately got her answer from Clarke’s grimace,

“No, when I was younger, I think we tolerated each other better but when my dad died all of that went out the window. He was sort of the glue that held any relationship I had with her together. She doesn’t really like me much.”

“Oh, Clarke I’m sure that’s not true.”

“She told me that to my face.” Clarke replied laughing a little at Lexa’s face, to anyone else her relationship with Abby was heartbreaking but for her it was simply just the way it was, “My dad said it was because we’re too much alike but it’s mostly because my mom wants to control every aspect of my life. She wanted me to be a doctor like her and I never wanted that. She wanted me to marry Bellamy and well you see how that went. She’s just not the kind of person that was meant to be a parent, I don’t know if that makes since.”

“I get it.” She really did,

“Two Mango Tea’s.” Lori the waitress said setting their cups down, “Are you ladies ready to order?”

Clarke looked to Lexa who nodded before ordering,

“I’ll have the baked salmon.”

“Good choice, our salmon is the best in New York.” She smiled writing down the order, “And for you.”

“I’ll take the shrimp and chicken pasta.” Clarke said, “And I know this is really weird, but can I also have a side of lemon wedges.”

“Sure, no problem I’ll have that out for you ladies in now time!”

“Stop judging me!” Clarke laughed,

I’m not.” Lexa said throwing her hands up in surrender, “I am curious though.”

“I just really love citrus and lemon juice makes everything taste so amazing especially seafood and chicken!”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Yeah, yeah alright enough about my eating habits. I’m still waiting to hear about the elusive Alexandria Trikru.”

“Elusive, that’s new but I’d rather know about you.”

“You already know too much about me, my embarrassing almost wedding, my horrible mother, I’m not sure what else to say.”

“Tell me about your art.” Lexa said, “I know you sing but you also mentioned you paint, do you want to make a career out of both?”

“I’ve always wanted to be a singer, but drawing is also a passion of mine. Ever since I was young art has been the thing to help me through everything. Whether that’s writing a song or painting, in a perfect world I would be an artist and a singer.”

“This isn’t a perfect world, but I believe you can do both.”

“For someone who’s never heard me sing or even seen a painting of mine you sure have a lot of faith in me.” She smiled,

“I see the way you talk about your dreams and it’s clear you are genuinely passionate about them. And I heard you sing a bit in the car and I loved what little I did hear. But if you want to prove me right, I’d love to see your art.”

Clarke smiled pulling out her phone and opening a folder she hasn’t opened since she left New York months ago.

“Most of these are from last year, I haven’t had time to do anything new since I moved back.” she explained handing over her phone,

She watched anxiously as the brunette scrolled through the photos with a small smile on her face. A part of being an artist is showcasing your work and Clarke’s never been shy about displaying her paintings but for some reason Lexa’s opinion really mattered to her. Not that they were anywhere close to being girlfriends but having someone supportive in her life is what she needed, and she never got that from Bellamy. She was with him for years and he always told her things like be realistic or you can only make it if you’re amazing not mediocre.

There was one night before they moved back to Arkadia, she came home from her studio fully on cloud nine because she had just sold her first painting ever. Granted it was to someone she worked with at the gallery, but it was still a sale and she was proud. She was excited to tell him because in a way it was proof that people would buy from her but all he managed to say was ‘It was nice of her to do that.’ Like it was some sort of favor. After that day she kept any all-art related things to herself just so he didn’t have the chance to ruin it.

But Lexa, from their first meeting was blindly encouraging her to pursue what she loved and now she wanted to prove that she was right to have faith in her. That she was good enough to be a singer and be an artist.

“These are…… incredible Clarke.” She gushed still scrolling through the endless photos. All the paintings were so different, there were portraits and landscapes even some abstract which she decided were her favorites. The usage of color and different art style blended so well together. They all seemed like something worthy of being in a museum. “How are you not some famous artist already?”

“Oh stop.” She laughed, but she could tell the brunette was serious, “It takes work I’ll get there some day but I’m like my work.”

“I love it.” She smiled handing the phone back, “You’re really talented.”

“As much as I love being flattered you still haven’t told me anything about you.”

Lexa knew eventually she would have to talk about herself and that was fine but the possibility of having to discuss stuff like family was unsettling. The subject of family was fine, but her mom was apart of that she didn’t want to be asked about her. It wasn’t about Clarke, she trusted her but the subject itself was hard and she didn’t want to talk about something so heavy on the first date.

“I want to know all the deep stuff.” Clarke grinned and Lexa’s heart stopped, _deep stuff,_

“Like?” she managed to ask, nervously taking a long sip of her tea.

“Yeah, like what’s your favorite color?” Clarke asked seeing relief flood the brunette face, she could tell she wasn’t quite ready to be personal yet and she was perfectly ok with that. The last thing she wanted was to make her uncomfortable.

“My favorite color?” Lexa asked clearly amused, “You consider that ‘deep’?”

“As an artist I find that color is very important.” She smiled, giving a small shrug.

“Alright I’d have to say it’s blue like your eyes.” She answered completely serious, blue was the only thing she felt like she could see since meeting the woman.

“Very smooth.” Clarke giggled not even bothering to cover her blush _, how was this woman so goddamn adorable?_

“What’s yours?”

“Don’t get me wrong I love green and your eyes are gorgeous, but I’d have to say Black. In a way I feel like choosing black is like choosing all the colors since mixing them all gets black. Color is important, especially in art for me at least. It can make or break a piece and so I value color a lot.” She replied, “Very long-winded answer but I felt I needed to explain, now back to you. Tell me about being an architect.”

Architecture was definitely something Lexa didn’t mind discussing, she loved it more than anything. She has since she was young and thankfully, she was able to make a living doing what she loved and that’s all anyone wanted.

She never really talked to anyone about her job unless it was Anya or her other business associates, but Clarke listened eagerly. Even as she explained the boring business aspect, the blonde didn’t care she wanted to know how the brunette spent her time and she could tell how much Lexa loved what she did.

Honestly, it was refreshing being around someone so passionate about their job there wasn’t much of that in Arkadia.

Shortly after the food came and Clarke made Lexa try her citrus and pasta creation which she agreed was delicious. Soon enough they were eating and laughing, and both were having a good time. Clarke continued her deep questioning and even found out Lexa’s favorite food was lasagna Bolognese because her dad was Italian and had the best recipe. Then she learned that as a hobby Lexa did warrior fighting which intrigued her and when Clarke inquired, she said she would take her sometime which excited her because that meant this date was going well if she wanted to see her again.

By the time they finished their meal Clarke was ready to suggest dessert when she seen a familiar face coming their way.

“There she is!”

“Wells!” Clarke grinned standing to hug the man,

“I heard you were here, so I had to stop by.” He smiled before turning to Lexa who was watching the interaction silently, “Don’t be rude Clarke introduce me!”

“Wells this is my date Lexa.” She smiled widely gesturing to the woman who stood to shake his hand, “Lexa this is Wells Jaha the owner of this beautiful establishment.”

“And oldest friend but who cares about that right.” He quipped before shaking the woman’s hand, “It’s great to meet you Lexa, I trust that everything was satisfactory.”

“Everything was great the food was amazing.”

“As always.” Clarke added,

“I heard someone ordered a whole bowl of lemon wedges, so I knew it had to be you.” He snickered,

“So, this is a regular thing?” Lexa chimed in,

“Oh yes since we were kids this one has always had to have lemon on everything. It drove Abby crazy but what didn’t really?” he laughed, “Anyways I didn’t mean to interrupt your date I just wanted to say hi and tell you I have your favorite dessert on the way to you. It was nice to meet you Lexa.”

“You too.” She smiled, watching the two say their goodbyes,

“Sorry about that.” Clarke said once the man was gone,

“Don’t be he seems nice.”

“Wells is an angel, probably one of the nicest people to ever be born in Arkadia.”

“Not a lot of nice people in your town?” Lexa asked,

“Mhm, let’s put it this way there are a lot of fake nice people in my hometown.” She laughed, “Arkadia is very uppity, one screw up and the people will look at you like you’ve grown a third leg. Like once I wore a low-cut top in high school to the freaking grocery store of all places and the next thing I know, my mom Is screaming my phone down saying there are rumors that I was walking around looking promiscuous. She said that word, I didn’t even know people actually used that word.”

“Sounds very prudish.”

“That’s Arkadia.” Clarke replied seeing the waitress bringing the dessert Wells mentioned, “I hope you like Lava crunch cakes because I swear this the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life!” she said excitedly as the warm delicious chocolate creation was sat in front of them. Clarke grabbed a fork scooping up a small piece before offering it to Lexa.

Surprisingly, the woman instantly opened her mouth taking the dessert in her mouth letting out a soft moan that Clarke internally groaned at. Obviously, it wasn’t sexual but dammit Clarke couldn’t help but want to hear what a sexually charged moan from the brunette would sound like. _Calm down Clarke._

“This is really good.” Lexa smiled picking up her own fork before looking at the dazed blonde, “Is everything ok?”

“What?” Clarke said before realizing she was staring, “Yes! Yes, I’m glad you like it.”

Silently she scolded herself as they ate the dessert and talked about their plans for the rest of the weekend. Finally, it was time for the check which Clarke immediately grabbed to Lexa’s dismay.

“Lexa, I asked you out, obviously I’m paying.” Clarke smiled before putting her card into check handing it back to the waitress,

“I know but this place seems really expensive.” Lexa said hoping the blonde wouldn’t take it the wrong way,

“It is but it’s worth it.” She shrugged, maybe Lexa thought she was poor, “As long as you had a good time that is.”

“I had an amazing time.” She said quickly making the blonde laugh,

“Then definitely worth it.”

Clarke signed the bill leaving an appropriate tip before escorting Lexa back to the car. She wanted this night to last forever, she wasn’t really ready to leave the woman, but it was nearing ten pm and even though tomorrow was a Sunday she didn’t want to keep her out all night. Her decision was final when she pulled up to Lexa’s apartment and offered to walk her up.

The elevator ride was tense as their hands accidently touch a few times making both of them blush and pull back. It was clear neither really knew the protocol for this kind of thing, that was solidified when they got to the brunette’s door and they both just stood awkwardly.

“Thank you for dinner.” Lexa said breaking the silence, “Tonight was amazing Clarke, I had a really great time with you.”

“So did I. “she smiled, tucking some stray blonde hair behind her ear,

_Is this a situation where there is a goodnight kiss? Obviously, it’s just a first date but in all the movies they kiss after a first date. God what am I a teenager, dammit this woman is turning me into a useless lesbian mess._

“I guess this is goodnight.” Clarke added, she felt like a fish out of water even though this wasn’t her first date. In college she went on many dates, but this wasn’t college and Lexa wasn’t just a body to fill her weekend. She liked her, maybe way more than she should at this point but she did. And being here felt so right but there was something in the back of her mind saying that anything beyond a hug a friendly kiss on the cheek was too much. Her relationship just ended.

Her relationship that she wasn’t into just ended,

Her relationship that was drowning her in hopeless nights and depressive episodes just ended,

Yes, it just ended but that didn’t mean she had to abide by moral code that says you have to suffer through a grieving period after a breakup. Especially because she wasn’t grieving, she had this beautiful woman in front of her who she liked, and she wasn’t going to let anything stop her from exploring that.

“I feel like I’m making this really uncomfortable right now.” Lexa sighed, running her fingers through her hair, “It’s just that I don’t date literally ever.” She laughed awkwardly, “And I’m not exactly sure what to do from here.”

“Well, there are a few things we could do but how about we start with a hug.” Clarke suggested,

“I’d like that.” Lexa smiled opening her arms to the blonde who happily wrapped herself around the brunette’s warm body.

Both sighed as their bodies touched, the warmness was comforting and they both felt at home in each other’s arms. The feeling was overwhelming but comforting and it was what they both ~~wanted~~ no not wanted needed. This was what they both craved in life, this kind of comfort. Being here shrouded in it seemed so simple but getting to this point wasn’t. Both of them had issues they had to overcome and people they had to go through to get here but now they were here.

Clarke never wanted to leave the warm embrace but after an unknown amount of time she pulled back being greeted by glowing green eyes and for a second she reconsidered her earlier answer about her favorite color. Her eyes weren’t just green, they were the vibrante forest trees get after a cold rain. They were beautiful and she was completely lost in them when she felt a hand softy caress her cheek. Plump red lips only a few inches away but taking the first move still frightened her so she rested her forehead against Lexa’s closing her eyes. Her breathing was ragged, and her heart was beating out of her chest. _This woman is making me crazy!_

The blonde’s lips were close, close enough to feel her breathe and Lexa wanted to take that step and she was sure Clarke did, so she did something out of character and that was romantically make the first move.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispered hearing the blonde chuckle a little,

“Yes please.”

Lexa wasted no time connecting their lips, the kiss was soft and gentle in the most perfect way. In the kiss she felt all the clichés, she felt sparks she felt fireworks she was convinced their lips were made for each other because they fit so perfectly. _The kiss was perfect._

“Wow.” Clarke mumbled pulling back, she’s been kissed but this is what it felt like to _really_ be kissed and she was stunned,

“Yeah.” Lexa agreed, smiling.

“I guess this is Goodnight.” Clarke repeated but this time with a grin and from cloud nine,

“Goodnight Clarke.”

The walk to the elevator was hazy but Clarke did remember pressing the button, reliving the best kiss of her life.

She heard a ding and was ready to step on when she heard a voice calling out for her,

“Lexa?” she said seeing the woman rushing towards her,

“Sorry I just- is it ok if I text you?” The brunette asked slightly out of breathe from trying to catch her before she left,

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at the woman’s antics,

“Yes dork.” She chuckled,

“Ok.” She smiled watching her step onto the elevator, “Goodnight Clarke.”

“Goodnight dork.” Clarke smiled as the door closed and her descend from the building began but cloud nine was where she would reside for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter if half way finished and should be up soon, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!!!


	6. The past can haunt you, but only if you let it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so hi! i wanted to thank everyone who has read up until this point! the support has been amazing so thank you!  
> also i know i'm terrible at editing and i'm trying to get better so sorry for the mistakes

* * *

"The first rule of truly living is to do the things you're most afraid of.” -Rebekah Mikaelson

* * *

The next day Clarke couldn’t help but go through her day with a smile on her face. It was Sunday and she had no plans other than combing through the classified with Raven for a new studio space and texting the adorable dork that was Lexa Trikru. She learned that that woman was way more open through the non-vocal communication which she didn’t mind. Any way she could get to know Lexa she would take.

“Can you please stop being disgustingly happy as you text your little girlfriend?” Raven teased as she scrolled through rentals on the desktop.

Clarke opted to ignore the comment as she laughed at Lexa describing the heartbreak she felt when Dumbledore died in half blood prince.

 **_LEXA:_ ** _That’s when I realized life really was life really was meaningless._

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Oh, poor baby! I didn’t know you were so dramatic!_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Well Clarke Griffin, there’s lots you don’t know about me._

 **_CLARKE_ ** _: Not for lack of trying! You’re still very much a mystery to me Lexa Trikru._

 **_LEXA:_ ** _How about I make it up to you then._

 **_LEXA:_ ** _When can I see you again?_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _I work during the week at 7pm so any time before that._

 **_LEXA:_ ** _How about coffee Tuesday evening about 12?_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Tuesdays perfect, I have a few errands in the city so that works out!_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Great! As much as I would rather be texting you, I’m currently looking over properties with Anya and she’s giving me the death stare._

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Go work, text me later._

 **_LEXA:_ ** _I will._

“Alright look at this one.” Raven said getting her attention, “It’s in downtown but it looks-.”

“Wrong.” Clarke interrupted, “The lighting is all wrong and there’s barely any windows-.” Clarke went on but Raven was done after ‘looks like it has squeaky floorboards.’. “Where are you going?”

“To make coffee, I forgot what looking at real estate did to you.”

* * *

* * *

“This is useless.” Anya huffed crumbling up her papers and throwing them back in her bag, “You hate everything I suggest, how about you just pick whatever you want!”

“We always pick together Anya.” Lexa sighed; she knew she was being complicated but not purposefully everything had to be perfect.

“No, we don’t Lexa, you shoot down everything I suggest to the point where I just agree to whatever you want.”

“What are you talking about, we pick together.”

“The first year we did a community center in Jersey, the second a boys and girls club upstate, the third was the homeless shelter in Brooklyn, the forth a women’s rehabilitation and resource center in Buffalo and finally last years was a dance and music center in Manhattan, and the common denominator is you picked them all and I went along with it because you wouldn’t hear my choices. Fucking Manhattan Lexa when the whole point is to branch out. Our yearly projects are to build beautiful places in rural and forgotten places to make people realize they matter. Or was that bullshit? Are we even partners or-.”

“Don’t even finish that sentence Anya, it’s not bullshit, and we are partners. Always.” Lexa interrupted, “Clearly I lost perspective and I’m sorry, we’re fifty fifty 100% of the time.” Lexa paused thinking her next words through and said them knowing she wouldn’t like the outcome, “This year the location is up to you to choose, fully.”

“Lex, you know I want to pick TonDC but I’m not ok with choosing it without your support.”

“I said you can choose so you have my support.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” She sighed, looking over her cousin who was avoiding her gaze all together. Thirty minutes ago, she was full of smiles texting on her phone and the mention of their hometown retorts her back into the cold commander like businesswoman she only sees every now again. “We can talk about this during an actual workday for now I’m going to go get Lincoln and some take out so you can tell us all the dirty details of your date with blondie.”

“No dirty details I’m afraid and her name is Clarke.” Lexa corrected a smiled creeping onto her face and Anya knew it worked,

“We’ll see about that, text me your order I’m thinking Thai.”

* * *

Monday came and went, and Lexa was dreading the meeting she had to attend discussing their project. Sunday was the last her and Anya had spoken about it, but the tension was there.

Luckily, she could avoid the subject Monday thanks to meetings with other buyers but today was the day she would have to face it. But first she had coffee with Clarke.

Since their date Saturday they had been texting and even talking on the phone nonstop. The blonde was turning her into a giddy teenager, but she couldn’t even muster up the energy to be mad about it. it felt nice talking to Clarke and she even opened up a little by discussing her dad.

She knew Clarke was respecting her boundaries by not pushing questions about her family and her life and she appreciated it. At first, she was hesitant, but she liked Clarke and seeing the way she handled her being intersex really instilled a form of trust for her.

Clarke wasn’t like anyone she’s ever met and talking to her even if it’s about her life excited her. She hadn’t shared anything to deep just that her dad lived in New York with his wife and her little brother but that was still more than she offered to most.

As she made her way to the coffee shop that they planned to meet at she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She pulled it out instantly recognizing the area code of her hometown. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who it was, but she wasn’t letting her ruin her mood, not today. After clicking the decline button, she put her phone in her purse before continuing her journey.

* * *

* * *

Clarke was currently rushing to Manhattan after leaving a meeting with one of her dad’s old accountants. She had no clue what to expect when she got the call from him and she definitely wasn’t prepared for what she heard. In fact, she was sure she spent the whole cab ride in the because when she arrived at the coffee shop, she hadn’t even realized they had ridden all the way up town.

She paid the driver before walking in looking around until she spotted the beautiful brunette she was supposed to be meeting. With a huge smile she walked over to the table.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” Clarke said taking her seat across from the woman,

“It’s ok, I just got here myself.” Lexa smiled taking in the blonde goddess in front of her, “What can I get you to drink?”

“Uh, I’ll take a vanilla iced coffee please.”

“Coming right up. “Lexa said before heading over to the counter leaving Clarke to her thoughts which could be detrimental especially with the information she just received and her response to said information.

While waiting for Lexa she felt her phone vibrating, pulling it out she see’s it’s Marcus. She kind of figured she would be getting this call but right now she didn’t want to worry about it, quickly she declined the call-in time for Lexa to sit her drink down.

“Thank you.” She smiled taking a sip, “This is really good, I’ve never been here before.”

“It’s definitely a hidden gem but worth it, the pastries are really good too.”

“I’ll have to try some before we go then.”

Lexa nodded observing the blonde, something seemed off she was usually cheerier and more smiley. Today she seemed sad and tired.

“Are you ok Clarke?” Lexa asked worriedly, “I don’t mean to overstep you just seemed off.”

“You didn’t overstep Lexa.” She sighed, “I’m fine I just had a meeting that didn’t go the way I was expecting it at all and now I’m just processing I guess.”

“Is everything ok?”

“I don’t know honestly.” She laughed,

“You don’t have to talk about it you don’t want I was just wanted to make sure you were ok.” Lexa assured,

“No, maybe talking about will help.” She shrugged, “I don't know if i I’ve mentioned but my dad died when I was still in high school. Apparently, he had been sick for a while, but he didn’t want me to know, he said it was because it was my senior year and he wanted me to enjoy it but in end that didn’t matter. Anyways when he died, he pretty much left me all his money and some other stuff. His family was wealthy, and he had a good job engineering, so it was a good amount. In the letter he left me he said it was for school or whatever I wanted to do because he knew my mom wasn’t going to help me with anything. I ended up getting a scholarship, so I didn’t have use the money and I chose to work instead using it the first couple years of college. I really only started using it when I moved back to New York a month ago. But the way the trust fund is set up is I get increments of the money every few years when I turn a certain age. So, I got one at 18, 22, and then this year when I turned 26 and I’ll get the last one at 30. Like I said it’s a lot of money and I don’t even use what’s in it, so the age thing never mattered to me. I say all that because my meeting today was with my dad’s accountant, he manages the money, so I see him every few years or when I need him but never randomly like today. Walking in I was already skeptical because I didn’t know why I was there but then he informed me. Apparently, my lovely mother is trying to overturn my dad’s will.”

“What?” Lexa gasped, “For money?”

“It seems like it but probably not, basically she tried using his condition in her case.”

“Don’t these things have time limits?” Lexa asked,

“Yes, usually but In some cases if all money or whatever haven’t been fully signed over to who they were left to it leaves an open space.”

“I can’t believe your mom would do that, what are you going to do?”

“Nothing, the case was thrown out almost immediately it’s sort of funny when you think about it.” she smiled, “She doesn’t need the money and it was never about that. My mom is the queen of mind games, I don’t do what she wants she does something back. I didn’t like doing ballet, she stopped paying for my guitar lessons, I didn’t join cheerleading she made me quit singing lessons, I didn’t go to med school she spends my college fund on shoes, I didn’t marry Bellamy she tries to contest my dead dad’s will. It’s sort of a cycle.”

“That’s awful Clarke.” Lexa sighed, they seemed to unfortunately have the bad mom thing in common.

“That’s my mom, usually I would retaliate but this time I can’t be bothered even though I sort of already did.” She sighed, taking a sip of her coffee.

“What do you mean?”

“I kind of sort of own my childhood house in Arkadia so as I was leaving the accountants office, I called my dad’s lawyer whose a family friend and told him to inform my mom she had two days to get out or I’ll have her arrested for trust passing.” She smiled, “It was rash I know.”

“You own your house?”

“My dad signed that over to me too, I think towards the end he started to see my mom for who she was. He loved her and maybe when they first met, she was someone else but the person she is now I know my dad would never marry someone like that.” She sighed playing with the ice in her drink, feeling her phone vibrate again, “And now the person who did marry the beast won’t stop calling me.” 

“Is he like your mom?” Lexa asked watching her decline the calls,

“Marcus actually seems like a decent guy; I really don’t talk to them much but I’m sure he thinks he can fix her, and he’ll probably die trying.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that Clarke, I know what it’s like to have a horrible mom, so I know it’s not easy.”

“Can’t pick our parents, right?” Clarke replied, she had wondered why Lexa never mentioned her mom or family really, but she was happy she was opening up, “Enough about my day, how has yours been you said you have a big meeting?”

“Yeah, it’s not for another hour though.” Lexa sighed,

“Something tells me you’re not excited about it.”

“Well, it’s about our annual charity event, like how we built the shelter in Brooklyn.” She explained, “These projects are always my favorite but when it time to pick the place me and Anya always disagree, I guess this year is no different. She wants to do it in our hometown.”

“You don’t want that?” Clarke asked gently,

“No.” she replied, “I uh- my- TonDC was never really a place that felt like a home to me. My whole life I was bullied for my condition and the people are just not the best. When I left, I never looked back and i don’t regret that but now Anya wants to build there, and it just feels wrong giving them anything.”

“I get that.” Clarke grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze, “Small towns are riddled with ignorance and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I can’t imagine how hard it was to overcome that but now you’re a successful businesswoman who builds beautiful places and gives back to others, not to mention you’re rich.” She smirked, “Doesn’t a part you want to rub that in, show them that while they stayed in their town doing nothing you created your own success?”

Lexa could honestly say that never crossed her mind, the only thing she ever thought of was how awful her life was there and how she never wanted to go back.

“I know it’s not the same but recently I’ve had to face my demons and I had to do it head on but only after this beautiful stranger told me I could. Something so simple but for some reason only resonated when someone else said it.” She smiled, “Truly living is doing the things you’re most afraid of, it’s facing demons, it’s showing the people who may not have been the nicest that they can’t control your life. I know that’s hard and if you’re not ready for that then that’s ok too. But if you truly think you can face it then you should, either way wouldn’t Anya understand?”

“She does, and I gave her control to choose but I know she won’t choose TonDC without my approval.” She sighed, “I get why she want to do it, as a kid I would’ve died for someone to come there a fix up the place.”

“Maybe this project can be a way for you to fully let go of the pain you suffered there.”

“Maybe.” Lexa murmured,

The rest of their time they chose to talk about lighter subject like sports and movies which is a subject Clarke could go on about for days. Movies were a huge part of her and her dad’s relationship. Most weekends she would find herself having marathons with him instead of going out and drinking or whatever her friends had planned, and she didn’t regret it at all.

She also learned that Lexa had never seen any Hunger games movies which she thought was strange. Everyone has seen those movies even if you didn’t read the book, which Clarke did and loved. Clarke suggested they should watch them together and the brunette happily agreed.

Once they were finished with their drinks Clarke offered to walk Lexa back to work.

“You didn’t drive?” Lexa asked as they strolled down the busy Manhattan streets,

“I’m getting it serviced downtown, I’m going to pick it up after I go see a rental space.” Clarke explained,

“Are you moving?”

“No, I’m looking for a new studio space since my landlord decided to sell.”

“You do know I own properties, right?” Lexa asked, “I can help you.”

“That’s ok, me and Raven found a few online. The one’s I’ve viewed so far have been terrible, but I have high hopes for todays.” Truthfully, she didn’t but she couldn’t ask for help she had to do this on her own.

“Well, if it doesn’t work out let me know.” Lexa said as they stopped in front of her building,

“I will, did you build this too?” Clarke asked looking up at the building, it wasn’t a skyrise like most New York offices it was still beautiful though. She couldn’t pretend to know shit about architecture, but she knew nice buildings and houses when she seen them, and Lexa definitely built amazing things.

“Yeah.” Lexa smiled looking at her building proudly, “Technically I just design but we have a good team.”

“You’re really talented Lexa, so have you decided what you’re going to do?”

Lexa sighed thinking for a second, she knew what she needed to do and the choice she had to make. Her only hope was that it was the right one for herself.

“I think so.” She nodded, looking down at the time she had twenty minutes before her meeting, “Guess there’s no time like the present to face the music.”

“You can do it.” Clarke smiled giving her hand a squeeze,

_Dammit why was she so damn gorgeous all the time!_

Lexa knew she needed to go but being in the vicinity as the blonde seemed so much more appealing than anything else, she had going on today.

“Also, before we part ways, I uh- I know bars aren’t your thing but I’ll be singing on Friday night if you’re not busy and you want to come by.” Clarke said as she nervously played with the fringe on her jacket, “But if you’re busy I understand, it’s no biggy.” _No biggy?_

“I’ll be there.” Lexa smiled,

“Really?”

“Of course, I’m excited to hear you sing.”

“Cool, great.” The blonde smiled not attempting to hide her blush what’s so ever, “Bring Anya and Lincoln too if you want.”

“Any excuse to go where alcohol is served, they will take so I’m sure they’ll be there.”

“Cool, I guess I should let you go.”

“Can I text you later?”

“Lexa you don’t have to ask to text me.” She giggled, “Plus I’ll practically be waiting by the phone.”

Lexa couldn’t help but blush at the admission before she could muster a reply her phone vibrated. It was Anya.

“Sorry.” Lexa sighed, “Anya’s wondering where I am.”

“Don’t be duty calls and I should probably go soon.” She smiled puling the brunette into a hug before giving her a kiss on the cheek, “Good luck at your meeting, I expect a text from you!”

“Ok.” Was all Lexa managed to mumble before the blonde hurried up the street leaving a starry-eyed Lexa in her wake.

After a few seconds she gathered herself enough to make her way up to the meeting room. Admittedly she was feeling significantly better about this meeting after talking to Clarke, but she was still nervous. If she agreed, it would be months before she would even have to travel to TonDC which gave her time to prepare. It also gave her time to deal with her mom who wouldn’t stop calling her for god knows what. She could ask her aunt and uncle if they knew but for now, she needed to put it on the back burner.

She walked towards the conference room seeing Anya and the investors having idle chat by the door. When they saw her, they all smiled, and she returned the sentiment.

“Shall we?” she asked opening the glass door for the others to enter, she saw Anya starring holes into expectantly, but she ignored it. She knew they should probably talk beforehand but she also knew that if they did, she would talk herself out of what she was about to do.

Everyone found their seats and Lexa took her at the head of the table while Anya sat straight across from her at the other end. The investors were there to hear what they had planned for this year just as they do every year. Unlike the other meetings Anya and Lexa didn’t have a set laid out plan. They had barely managed to have a conversation about it that they agreed on, but Lexa hoped to make it right.

“Thank you all for coming today, I know we all love this time a year, so I’ll get straight to it.” Lexa said pulling out some papers from her bag, “I know usually we try and do something in the realm of a community-based construction but this year me and Anya have decided otherwise. After discussing it we chose to do something in the field of affordable living. Obviously, we do that year around, but we want to do it in a neighborhood that really needs it most. And that bring me to this.” She said pointing to the papers she had in her hands, “On the paper you will see a rough idea of cost and also neighborhood.”

“TonDC, Massachusetts?” One of them said,

“Yes, that is the location we have chosen this year and it also is personal for us because it is where we come from. Growing up things were hardly ever easy, and we can tell you firsthand that affordable housing is not easy to come by.” She explained nodding for Anya to continue.

The older woman was obviously shocked at her cousin’s words seeing as they didn’t talk about this at all. Regardless she brushed it off and explained what she had in mind for the project and everyone listened including Lexa. It did take a genius to see how excited she was for this and that made Lexa feel a little better about the decision.

When the meeting was done, and the investors were pleased with everything Lexa made her way back to her office to pack up for the day. Usually, she would stay later but today she just wanted a hot bath and maybe a phone call with her favorite blonde.

“Why did you do that?”

Lexa looked up seeing Anya leaning against her door frame,

“I told you this year was up to you.” She answered plainly,

“And I told you I was only picking TonDC if you were 100% ok with it.”

“I am Anya.” She sighed, “I’m not saying I’m ready to go back there but I have months to prepare for that. All that matters is that our work is helping people, that is the goal and the whole point. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you sooner, but this is your project and I’m going to do everything to help.”

She could see the older woman trying to decipher her words, but they were the truth.

“Thank you, Lex.” She finally said,

“Don’t thank me, we’re partners.” She smiled.

* * *

By the time she got home it was only 4pm which is the earliest she had arrived home in a while. It felt strange but also nice to have nothing to do for the rest of the day.

She kicked her shoes off before going to the bathroom where she started her bath. She added a floral scented bath bomb before lighting a few candles to set the mood. It wasn’t often that she relaxed so she wanted to make the most of it. Once the water was filled to the desired amount, she turned it off and made quick work of shedding her clothes.

Just as she was about to dip her toes in, she heard a faint ringing of her phone, a part of her wanted to ignore it but the other part told her it could be Clarke which was enough for her to run for the device.

She hurried to her room and grabbed the phone from the bed, immediately her face turned to a frown recognizing the same area code from earlier. A part of her wanted to ignore it just as she done for the past month, but she already faced one fear today why not this one?

“I told you not to call me.” Lexa said as soon as she answered,

“Lexa! Thank god it’s so good to hear your voice sweetie.”

“What do you want?”

“I’m ready.”

“What?”

“You said not to call unless I was ready, and I am sweetie.”

* * *

* * *

When Clarke pulled into Raven’s garage it was already 5pm and she was exhausted, family drama aside the rental she looked at ended up being horrible. The pictures online weren’t that promising but seeing it in real life sealed the coffin. The only good thing that did happen was seeing Lexa. Her beautiful smile and amazing curly dark hair and of course her gorgeous forest green eyes. Everything about her was perfect and the woman managed to make what started out as a very shitty day end pretty well.

Her phone was dead, but she was hoping she would find a text from the woman once she charged it. Over the passed week Lexa had managed to make her feel giddy and smiley which was something she hadn’t been in a long time. The brunette excited her and made her happy with something as simple as a text and she wanted to revel in it.

So, with a huge smile she gathered all the takeout she ordered for herself and Raven before taking the elevator up to the apartment. When she got to the door she fumbled with her keys for a while before decided to just knock since her hands were full. Less than a minute later Raven opened the door sighing once she saw the blonde.

“What the hell Clarke I’ve been calling you for the past hour!” She mumbled letting the blonde in before closing the door,

“My phone died; I got your favorite.” She smiled holding up the bags filled with various different foods, but Raven didn’t even smile or look excited which was weird, she loved food. “What’s wrong?”

“Finally, the prodigal daughter returns.”

“Of course, you’re here because why the fuck not.” Clarke sighed turning around seeing none other than her mother standing in the entry way.

“Well, when my dead husbands best friend calls me and informs me, I need to vacate my house in 48hours I thought that would warrant a visit to my lovely daughter.” She scoffed and Clarke wanted to smile but she just shrugged,

“Says the person who tried to contest my dead dad’s will as some ploy against her own daughter!”

“What?” Raven interjects completely clueless to the events that have transpired today.

“You need to leave.” Clarke said walking passed the woman and into the kitchen to plate her and Raven’s food.

“I’m not going anywhere you are going to hear what I have to say!”

“No, I’m not.” Clarke replied grabbing two plates from the cabinet, “Leave or I’ll have Raven call security.”

“You’re pathetic.” Abby scoffed,

“Must be a family trait.”

“You ruined your life by studying music instead of building a real future for yourself and then when there was finally hope when Bellamy asked you to marry him you ruin that too!” Abby yelled, causing the blonde to finally face her, “Time and time again you ruined your life and now you trying to do that to me by taking my home! A home I picked out and worked hard for.”

“Why did you file that suit against me?” Clarke asked ignoring the woman’s last comment,

“Abby.” A voice from behind them said causing both to turn but it was only Marcus who Clarke hadn’t noticed before, “We should go.”

“No, not until she gives me the deed to my house!” Abby said turning back towards her daughter who just chuckled a little before going to back plating her food, “Give me the deed now Clarke!”

“Or what?” she replied, “I’m looking at you and it’s like you’re not even my mother. You’ve done nothing but make my life hell and I don’t even know why. You’re horrible and disgusting and what you did today was unnecessary. My dad loved you and after all this time I still can’t figure out why. He deserved better than you and if Marcus had any sense, he’d leave you but then again if he’s lucky you’ll just drive him away.”

Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, she felt her mothers hand hitting her face hard leaving a stinging sensation in its wake.

“Abby!” Marcus yelled grabbing the woman who looked unfazed by what she had just done,

“I was going to sign the house of to you, I had Jaha print up the paperwork and everything but now you can go to hell. Sleep on the streets in the hospital I don’t care I want you out of my house by the end of the week or I will have you arrested for trespassing.” Clarke said firmly causing her mother to seethe, “And Abigail, I never want to see you again in my life as far as I’m concerned both of my parents are dead.” With that she walked passed the pair murmuring for Raven to call security before going to her room and shutting the door.

Her body slumped against the wall before collapsing completely as she felt hot tears stinging her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. In no world did Abby deserve her tears and in a way if felt like letting her win if she did cry. Her whole life she has had to deal with verbal abuse and she other stuff but never physical, never but that line was crossed and there was no going back.

She knew what her dad would say about kicking her mom out, he would want her to be rational and nice but if he wanted that he should’ve left the house to Abby in the beginning, but he didn’t. More than anything she just wanted him to be here, she wanted to hear his voice and feel his arms around her telling her it would be ok. But that wasn’t possible, and it never would be.

At some point Clarke did feel arms around her but when she looked over it was just Raven who she hadn’t even heard come in. The girl didn’t say anything just held her before ushering her to the bed where they both laid.

A few hours later Clarke opened her eyes to the darkness of her room and arms around her waist. She smiled seeing a sleeping Raven beside her, she really did have an amazing best friend.

She went to reach for her phone before remembering she never plugged it in. Carefully she unwrapped herself from the sleeping brunette before making her way into the kitchen where her bag was. She grabbed her phone before going back to the room and plugging it in.

It took a minute before she saw the black screen light up with the glowing white apple before her lock screen of her favorite painting popped up telling her it was 8:03pm. Immediately she saw all the missed calls and messages she had from Raven and a couple from Lexa. With a smile she clicked on the woman’s name revealing the missed messages she received a couple hours ago.

 **_LEXA:_ ** _So, I got advice from a beautiful stranger today **6:10pm**_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _She’s definitely the most beautiful woman in Brooklyn, hell New York and her advice giving is pretty good too. **6:10pm**_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _In all of New York huh? What was this ‘pretty good’ advice. That she gave you? **8:06pm**_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Definitely in New York and she told me to face my demons. **8:07pm**_

 **_CLARKE:_ ** _Oh yeah and how did that turn out? **8:09pm**_

 **_LEXA:_ ** _Well, I can’t say for sure, but something tells me things might actually be ok. **8:10pm**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very much to get an idea of both Clarke and Lexa's pasts, this story will have a lot of fluff and cute Clexa moment but there will also be angst so get prepared!
> 
> so i know where i want this story to go and i have some idea but if there's any characters or anything you guys want to see just let me know! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and don't forget to comment what you think!


	7. Steady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, a few things this chapter includes two songs both by lana del rey the first is a demo of the song Summer Bummer and the second is Let me love you like a woman.   
> Secondly--- well i guess there is no secondly because as i'm typing this i've completely forgotten what i was going to say............ :)
> 
> oh-sorry for mistakes i swear i re-read these and never catch the mistake and then i'll post it and see them everywhere ugh!

* * *

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

* * *

Wednesday morning Clarke assumed she would wake up tired and depressed about the events that happened the night before but to her surprise she was neither of those things. In fact, she felt good and for the first time in a while she felt motivated. The urge to have a productive day filled her body and she planned to do just that.

She took her morning shower before getting dressed for the day and making a pot of coffee for her and Raven. She also made breakfast which was something she never did but she was taking advantage of her sudden burst of energy.

When everything was done, she sat at the counter with her laptop and ate her food. Thirty minutes in and two cups of coffee later she heard Raven dragging herself into the kitchen with a moan about coffee.

“Goodmorning.” Clarke chirped,

“Why are you up so early and so happy?” Raven groaned pouring her coffee before practically gulping it down,

“Today’s a new day and I feel really good.”

“Have you heard from Abby?” Raven asked hesitantly, she had known Clarke since college, and she knew her relationship with her mom was rocky, but she never imagined the older woman would slap her own daughter.

“No and I don’t want to, I meant everything I said yesterday. She’s my only living parent and it’s sad that it has to be this way, but I really think my life would be better without her.” Clarke said confidently,

“Then from this day on we wont mention or talk about her.”

“Sounds good to me.” Clarke smiled going back to scrolling on her computer,

“Still looking for studio space?” Raven asked while she made herself a plate of the food the blonde made,

“No, right now I’m setting up an Instagram page and a website to sell my art.” Clarke replied, “I’m also considering starting a YouTube channel, maybe sing some covers I don’t know. Am I too old for that sort of thing?” she asked timidly,

“Clarke literally everyone of all ages uses YouTube so no you’re not too old and I think it’s a good idea.” Raven smiled, scarfing down her pancakes. “It’s time for you to start putting yourself out there and going for what you want. I’m proud of you babe.”

“Thanks.” She smiled contently, now was the time for her to for what she wants, and she wasn’t letting anyone hold her back. Not anymore.

* * *

* * *

Lexa woke up feeling anxious but also refreshed at the same time, she had to admit taking Clarkes advice felt good, but it still scared the hell out of her. Every choice could come back to bite her in the ass and dealing with that wasn’t a problem she needed.

But she tried not to think about it, instead she spent the morning in her office working on a project that’s been in her head for a while. Over the years she always lived-in apartments and she loves her penthouse, but she was thirty and eventually she wanted to live in a house. Something that was her own where she didn’t have to see other tenants while getting her mail. She wanted a forever home and maybe one day a home to share with someone special.

“Good morning!” Anya cheered walking into the brunette’s office, two coffees in hand. “Got your favorite.”

“Thanks Anh.” She smiled accepting the cup, “You’re chipper this morning.”

“Yeah, well I got a text from a certain Latina inviting me out this weekend.” She smirked, “Apparently your girlfriend is singing Friday at that bar we went to, so she invited me.”

“Clarke is not my girlfriend-.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t want to date her?” Anya interrupted.

“What- no I mean yes- not yes like yes but like yes eventually yes.” Lexa rambled on before seeing the entertained look on the older woman’s face, “I hate you.”

“This blonde is turning you into a hopeless gay mess.” Anya laughed,

“I know.” She mumbled,

“I’ve never seen you like this before not even with Costia.”

“That was high school Anya, no one’s feelings are ever serious in high school.”

“That’s not true, my parents met in high school and they’re happy.” Anya shrugged,

“All I’m saying is my feelings for Costia weren’t anything compared to what I feel for Clarke.”

“C names must be your thing.”

“Kindly fuck off now.” Lexa smiled before going back to her computer seeing an email pop up,

“What’s wrong?” Anya asked seeing the brunettes face change as she started at her computer screen.

“My mom called me yesterday.” She replied plainly as she read of the email,

“Oh… and you answered?” Anya asked cautiously,

“I did.” She nodded, “I told her not to call me unless she was ready, and she said she was, so I made the arrangements.”

“You said that five years ago.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t have given her a chance?” Lexa asked, honestly wanting an answer.

“No that’s not what I meant I just- it took her a long time to come to that conclusion.”

“I agree but I’m trying to give her a chance, so I set everything up, I just got an email confirming it.”

“And if she doesn’t go?”

“Then I’m done with her forever like I said I would be.”

The saga of Lexa’s relationship with her mom was a long and messy one and for the most part if she could she didn’t like thinking about it. Growing up her mom was barely even around, and it wasn’t until she was 8 that she understood why. And after meeting her dad under the circumstances that she did she decided to cut ties with the woman altogether. It wasn’t until five years ago that she called, and Lexa gave her an ultimatum one that until now she didn’t take.

She wanted to believe her mom was trying to be better, but with her history has a point of repeating itself and she was getting too old to repeat that cycle. This was her last chance and if she ruined it then Lexa would move on knowing that at least she tried.

“I just want a normal life Anya; she never gave me that and I’m trying to help her but if I can’t then I’m going to move on.”

“I know and if I were you, I wouldn’t even give her this, but you’ve always been a better person than me.” She smiled,

“So true.” Lexa agreed, laughing as Anya flipped her off. “Ok, enough Trikru family drama today. Tell me what you have planned for TonDC.”

* * *

* * *

Day infinity of studio hunting and Clarke was on the verge of giving up completely. Once again, she was leaving a viewing unsatisfied and studio-less because none of them managed to meet her standards. It’s not like she was trying to be picky, but she needed to feel comfortable in the space and she hadn’t felt that for any of the ones she seen yet. Alas she still had a couple of weeks to find something before she has to vacate her current space. But for now, she would have to put that on the backburner.

Today was Friday which meant she was singing at the club tonight and for the first time she was nervous. Usually, she didn’t get nervous when it came to a performance, but this is the first time she performed in months and the first time Lexa’s was going to actually hear her sing and it terrified her. The brunette had poured so much faith into to the point where she didn’t want to let her down.

The pair hadn’t seen each other since their coffee date a few days prior but they talked nonstop throughout the week. They would text but most of the time if they were both in bed and didn’t feel like typing, they would just call each other. Clarke had to admit she felt like a teenager, Lexa made her giddy and if she didn’t like the brunette so much, she would be annoyed at how much of a girl she was being. Talking and being with Lexa felt so right to the point where she couldn’t really explain it. They just had this connection that was instant, and it scared her but also excited her. She even told her about the incident with her mom and the woman volunteered to come over immediately, but Clarke declined, it’s not that she didn’t want her to she just knew Lexa was working and she didn’t want her to take time off for her. The gesture was enough for her and she felt happy she could share it with someone other Raven.

This was a relationship with Lexa she didn’t have to fake anything; she didn’t have to pretend to be interested in Lexa’s job because she actually was interested. She didn’t have to pretend to be excited when she saw the woman’s name pop up on her phone and most importantly, she didn’t have to pretend to be anyone but herself because the brunette liked her for her and didn’t expect her to be anything but.

The only she wasn’t sure was their relationship status if you will, she didn’t know if this was casual and Lexa was seeing other people. They never discussed being ‘exclusive’ not that they were together, but Clarke definitely wasn’t seeing anyone else and Lexa was drop dead gorgeous, so she was sure woman were constantly swarming her. She wanted to bring it up, but she didn’t want to sound clingy or pushy, they had only been on one date and kissed once so bringing up the subject of being exclusive felt weird. She didn’t know the protocol for this type of situation but going with the flow seemed to be the best option.

Those thoughts pushed aside she started to get ready for the night, after determining she hated all of her clothes, she did a little- ok no, a lot of shopping throughout the week. The final price is mute the only thing that matters is she now owned clothes that she loved and felt great in. She considered burning all of her old ones but instead donated them, someone out there can get good use of them.

Tonight, she went with high waisted leather shorts and a Queen band tee with her black docs to finish it off. Her long hair was up in a high ponytail that still managed to touch her back- she made a mental note to get a hair cut as she applied her eyeliner and dusty pink lipstick.

“Lookin hot.” Raven complimented as the blonde walked into the living room,

“So, do you, trying to impress someone?” Clarke asked quirking her brow,

“I could say the same for you.” Raven winked, “Let’s get going before we’re late.”

Raven drove since Clarkes nerves seemed to be all over the place, she got a text from Lexa saying she was excited for tonight which made her smile. Since she was only singing tonight, she would have time to sit and talked with the brunette after her set which she was excited for.

They pulled into the parking lot seeing it was already at capacity, inside was no better. People were everywhere but that was every Friday night, everyone’s getting their after-work drink or simply just starting the weekend.

They pushed their way to the bar and that’s when Clarke saw her sitting at the bar with a blonde, she knew was Anya. Lexa was beautiful as usual with her dark curls flowing down what she can only presume to be a very expensive suit that fit her quite perfectly she might add. Everything about Lexa made her weak at the knees and it took Raven laughing for her to realize she had been staring from a far like some sort of creep.

“She is real you know, like you can go talk to her.” Raven chuckled,

“Fuck off.” She whispered before making her way over to the bar taking the empty seat next to the brunette who seemed to be nursing a scotch. “Rough day?” she asked causing Lexa to turn toward her, a huge smile on her face. 

“Anya’s forcing me to drink, apparently I need to let loose.” Lexa replied rolling her eyes,

“Ooh, that’s something I’d love to see.” Clarke smirked in turn making the brunette blush, “You look amazing by the way, don’t tell me you got all dressed up for me.”

“As a matter of fact, I did.” Lexa replied smiling back,

“She changed her shirt like five times.” Anya said butting into the conversation causing Lexa to groan and Clarke to laugh,

“Glad to know to you were trying to impress me.” Clarke smiled, moving closer to the woman until her lips were right by her ear, “It totally worked by the way.”

“Hey Clarke Jas in asking for you, I think he wants to talk set list.” Harper yelled from behind the bar,

“Duty calls.” Clarke said turning back to the brunette who seemed to still be recovering from her last comment, it was cute to see the older woman so flustered. “I guess I’ll see you after my set, it’s only a couple of songs so it won’t be too long.”

“I’ll be here.” Lexa smiled watching the blonde nod and walk off, “I’ll be here?” she mumbled, scolding herself.

“You literally have no game.” Anya laughed, taking a sip of her drink.

“I thought it was pretty cute.” Raven adds,

“We should find seats.” Lexa said ignoring both girls’ comments and heading towards the closets table she could find to the stage.

Once they were seated Lexa watched quietly as what she assumed to be the band set up on stage. There was a taller man on the guitar and a dark-haired girl on drums that Clarke was currently talking with. She was pretty, she had mid length dark black hair and dark eyes and what looked to be a scar going down her face. Her and Clarke seemed to know each other well- obviously since they probably play together often, but they seem friendly- too friendly.

“That’s Ontari.” Raven said taking her out of her thoughts. “She’s a friend of ours and helps Clarke out when she sings here. But don’t worry your pretty little head though she totally straight and very much engaged.”

“I wasn’t-.”

“You so were.” Anya interrupted,

“There’s her fiancé now.” Raven pointed and Lexa’s eyes followed surprisingly she recognized the man as he walked on the stage giving Ontari a quick kiss and Clarke a hug.

“Wells right?” Lexa asked and Raven nodded, “Clarke took me to his restaurant.”

“Lucky you, The Ark Is very exclusive.” Raven smirked,

“She took you to The Ark?” Anya asked a little shocked at the information, “I’ve been trying to get a table there for months.”

“Well how about I take you then.” Raven suggested, “Wells is a good friend, and I would love to wine and dine you hot stuff.”

“It’s a date.” Anya smirked and suddenly Lexa felt like she was intruding,

Lexa sat back trying to tune out whatever conversation Anya and Raven were having about god knows what, as happy as she was for her cousin, she was feeling very much like a third wheel. Unfortunately, Lincoln couldn’t make it since he had plans with some friends from work, but once Clarke was done, she would have the blonde all to herself so being a third wheel for an hour will be worth it.

“Lexa, right?” A voice asked causing the brunette to look up to see Wells,

“Yeah.” Lexa smiled at the man, “It’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Mind if I sit with you guys?” He asked and Lexa immediately shook her head,

“Not at all.” She smiled, motioning to the empty chair.

“Wells I was just talking about you.” Raven smiled looking up to see the man, she hardly noticed his presence she was so wrapped up in Anya,

“Should I be scared?” he asked,

“Of course not, I was just telling Lexi here that Ontari is taken.” She winked at the brunette,

“Was she flirting with Clarke again?” Wells laughed, “Those two are something else, but don’t worry it’s all friendly.”

Lexa wanted to say she wasn’t worried but thankfully the sound of the mic got everyone’s attention.

“Alright everyone help me give a warm welcome or should I say welcome back to our Skai Princess Clarke Griffin.” Jasper announced as Clarke walked up to the mic.

Lexa wondered what Skai Princess meant but she figured she could ask later right all she could focus on was how amazing the blonde looked standing under the colored spotlight on stage. She hadn’t even started singing yet and it just seemed like she belonged there.

“Hi everyone.” Clarke smiled, “Thank you for coming out, we have a few covers prepared for you guys, so I hope you enjoy. Oh, and also I want to dedicate my performance today to a very special person, she made me believe in my dreams again just by being a perfect stranger.” Clarke smiled her eyes finding Lexa at a table near the stage, “This is for you.”

Lexa couldn’t help but blush at Clarke’s words, the music started, and Lexa’s body had chills as soon as the first line was sung.

* * *

_It's never too late._

_To be who you wanna be_

_To say what you wanna say_

_and_

_It’s never too late,_

_To leave if you wanna leave_

_Or to stay if you wanna stay_

_But, baby_

_I got a feeling in my bones_

_Can’t get you out of my veins,_

_You can’t escape my affection,_

_Wrap you up in my daisy chains_

~

_It's never too late, to see what I wanna see,_

_Instead of what's in front of me, yeah,_

_And it's never too late, to be free if you wanna be,_

_I can help you if you wanna be, babe,_

_'Cause I got a feeling in my bones,_

_Guess I got love on the brain,_

_We give into your affliction,_

_Wrap you up in my daisy chains,_

* * *

Lexa was completely entranced in everything that was Clarke Griffin, her voice was a perfect mix of raspy and sultry but also soft and she felt like she had never experienced something so perfect in her life. Every note and ever word drew her in more, Clarke had a stage presence about her, and she truly did belong up there Lexa could see it. In that moment she wanted nothing more than for Clarke to be discovered and sent straight to Hollywood with a recording contract. The way she moved around stage her smile her eyes everything was amazing and by the end of the song Lexa was her biggest fan.

She clapped maybe a little too loudly making the others at her table laugh but she didn’t care. When Clarke looked at her from the stage, she felt her heart stop, she could tell Clarke wanted her approval and she wanted nothing more than to give it, so she smiled back hoping that was enough for now. Clarke smiled back widely, and she knew it was.

The next couple songs were just as great and as much as Lexa wanted to talk and hangout with Clarke, she also never wanted her to stop singing. She was completely in love with the blonde’s voice and by the last song she decided, she was definitely her biggest fan.

“Ok guys, for our last song we’re going to slow it down a bit with a Lana Del Rey song titled Let me Love You Like A Woman.” Clarke announced before signaling for the band to start.

* * *

_I come from a small town, how about you?_

_I only mention it ‘Cause I'm ready to leave LA and I want you to come,_

_Eighty miles North or South will do,_

_I don't care where as long as you're with me and I'm with you and you let me,_

_Let me love you like a woman,_

_Let me hold you like a baby,_

_Let me shine like a diamond,_

_Let me be who I'm meant to be,_

_Talk to me in songs and poems,_

_Don't make me be bittersweet,_

_Let me love you like a woman,_

_Take you to infinity,_

_Let me love you like a woman,_

_Take you to infinity,_

_Let me love you like a woman,_

_Take you to infinity,_

_We could get lost in the purple rain,_

_Talk about the good old days,_

_We could get high on some pink champagne,_

_Baby, let me count the ways,_

* * *

The crowd erupted in applause as the last word was sung and Clarke thanks the crowd before turning back to the band. Lexa waited patiently as the blonde spoke with the band and she couldn’t wait to tell her how incredible she was. She knew she was good just from the snippet she heard her sing in the car on the way to her date but hearing her tonight only solidified what she already knew. Clarke was not only a talented artist but also crazy amazing singer.

“So how did you meet Clarke?” Wells asks her as they all wait for the blonde in question to join them,

“Well- uh.” Lexa thought for a second, “We met on her wedding day I guess.” 

“Is that so?” Wells asked trying to hold in his laugh as he could see Lexa getting flustered,

“What she’s trying to say is the day Clarke ran for the hills they met at some trashy diner and couldn’t stop thinking about each other since.” Raven said and Lexa nodded pretty much confirming the story,

“Definitely an exciting story to tell the kids.” Anya smirked and Lexa coughed on her water _, kids?_

“I was at that wedding and I must say it was a relief seeing Clarke run out of there.” Wells said honestly,

“Not a fan of the guy?” Lexa asked,

“Not many people are although I’ve known Bellamy since high school, he was a douche who pretty much slept with every girl in our school. Clarke deserves better than him and it seems like she’s found it.” Wells smiled,

“And if you hurt our precious Clarkey I will strap a bomb to your car and make it go boom.” Raven added, “And yes, I know how to make bombs.”

“Lexa wouldn’t hurt a fly, but if your Clarkey hurts my Lexi then I will carve up her jeep with my katana.” Anya replied and Raven couldn’t help but smirk, “And before you ask yes, I own a katana and I can use it very well.”

“That’s hot.” Raven murmured and Lexa wanted to die,

“Can this conversation be over?” Lexa begged,

“Hey guys.” Clarke interrupted and Lexa was beyond thankful,

“Amazing as always Clarke.” Raven praised,

“I agree.” Wells said,

Lexa waited for the blonde to talk to her friends before she stood from her chair and gave the blonde a hug.

“Clarke, you were beyond incredible.” Lexa gushed and the blonde grinned her cheeks turning beet red.

“I’m happy you enjoyed the show.”

“I more than enjoyed it, when do you sing again?” Lexa asked eagerly,

“Two weeks.”

“I’ll be here.” Lexa said and Clarke’s cheeks were hurting from how much she was smilingly,

Eventually they made it into their own booth so they could talk privately, an hour into it, Clarke was practically in the brunette’s lap but neither of them minded. Lexa wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist holding her in place as they continued talking about nothing. They laughed and talked opting not to join their friends on the dance floor.

Clarke wanted Lexa all to herself and she had a feeling the brunette felt the same.

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Lexa asked as her hand lazily rubbed the blonde’s back.

“I have something to do in the morning but besides that I’m free, did you have something in mind?”

“Well, I bought the hunger games movies on my apple TV so I was thinking if you wanted to come over, we can have a marathon.” Lexa suggested, fighting back her nerves. She’s never been the person to take the initiative in situations like this, but she wanted to try.

“That sounds perfect.” Clarke smiled leaning into Lexa almost by instinct wanting to give her a kiss but last minute she pulled back. Could they do things like that? Just casually kiss in public, they weren’t a couple and that seemed very couple like.

“I can’t wait then.” Lexa replied, noting Clarke’s hesitance, and wondering if she did something to put her off. Before she could think about it too much Ontari the woman from earlier walked over to their booth.

“You must be Lexa.” She smiled holding her hand out, “I’m Ontari, a friend of Clarkes.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Lexa replied giving her hand a firm shake,

“Ooh, nice handshake.” Ontari praised, “You know Clarke here won’t stop talking about you.”

“Did you come over here to embarrass me?” Clarke asked jokingly but also seriously,

“Not initially.” She shrugged, “I actually came to say bye, Wells has to work tomorrow so we’re heading out.”

“Like an old married couple already.” Clarke joked, hesitantly removing herself from the warm embrace of Lexa to hug the girl goodbye.

“I’m going to ignore you said that it was nice to meet you Lexa.”

“You too, Ontari.” She smiled, as the woman walked away. “Just so you know I can’t seem to stop talking about you either.”

“That makes me feel better than.” Clarke giggled sliding back into the booth and into Lexa’s arms where they stayed until it was time to leave.

The bar was closing which meant the night was over which both were sad about, but they still had tomorrow.

Lexa volunteered to walk Clarke to Raven car since they were parked near each other.

“That’s yours?” Clarke asked, pointing to a black Audi that 100% had to be this year’s model. It was a gorgeous car that she could see Lexa looking very sexy in.

“Yeah, I don’t drive often but I have a couple cars in my garage.” Lexa said nonchalantly.

“A couple huh?” Clarke raised her brow,

“Well not like anything crazy like six I just have this one and a jeep similar to yours actually.”

“We’ll have to have a little drag race one day then, battle of the jeeps.” Clarke winked walking to the passenger seat door.

“You’re on.” Lexa smiled opening the door for her, “Thank you for inviting me tonight I had a really great time.”

“Thank you for coming.” Clarke said back seeing Raven and Anya standing by Lexa’s car also saying their goodbyes but with their tongue’s, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

“Me too.” Lexa replied stepping closer to the blonde, swimming in blue eyes. She wanted to ask for permission to kiss her but just by the look in the blonde’s eyes she knew that wasn’t necessary. So instead, she pulled Clarke closer, gently grabbing her face and colliding their lips. This kiss wasn’t like their first one, this one was needy and hard, and passion filled. It was still perfect but when it was over both girls were feeling the loss.

“What the hell are you doing to me Clarke Griffin?” Lexa mumbled, her forehead still pressed against the blonde,

“I could ask the same thing.” Clarke giggled, pressing one last peck on the brunette’s plump lips before pulling away. If she had it, her way she would stay like that forever, but Raven was making her way over and she was already prepared for the taunting.

“Don’t stop on my account.” Raven smirked walking by the pair and sliding into the car,

“I better go, maybe I can turn the music up loud enough to drown out the teasing I’m about to receive.” Clarke sighed,

“Anya will be no better, believe me.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Clarke said one more time just to confirm,

“I can’t wait.” Lexa smiled.

* * *

The moment Clarke opened her eyes she was excited for the day, not only was she going to get to see Lexa, but she also was looking at a studio space that she hoped would be the one. It seemed promising but the moment she stepped into the building she knew once again she found another dud.

Luckily, the moment she stepped in Lexa’s apartment the pain from that just faded away. The brunette was dressed in grey sweatpants and a black tank top with her long curly hair framing her face. But what got Clarke was the glasses, if she didn’t think Lexa was hot before the glasses definitely did it for her.

“Sorry I’m a little earlier than we discussed.” Clarke said as she walked inside examining Lexa’s penthouse. Of course, it was beautiful, floor to ceiling windows were everywhere as well as the classic brick wall vibe you often get in New York.

“It’s ok.” Lexa smiled, “I was just setting out all the snacks.”

Like an angel Lexa had the blonde text her all her favorite snack which she ran to the grocery store to get early this morning. Admittedly her fridge was very empty due to the fact that she never eats at home, so she needed an excuse to go the store anyways.

“The pizza should be here soon.” Lexa added, before pulling the blonde into a hug.

“Pizza is exactly what I need.” Clarke sighing into the taller woman’s arms.

“is everything ok?” Lexa asks,

“I looked at another studio space today and it sucked.” The blonde groaned, “I have like two weeks before I have to move out of my current one and at this rate, I’ll just have to move everything into Raven’.”

“Or you can let me show you a few spaces.” Lexa suggested, the blonde had already turned down her offer once, but she didn’t want her to lose something that is clearly important to her.

“No, Lexa I can’t ask that of you.”

“I’m offering, plus I know so many realtors that have spaces open. Just think about it.”

“Ok.” Clarke nodded,

“Now how about we see what all the hype is about these movies.” Lexa smiled,

* * *

Two movies in and Clarke was intertwined with Lexa on her soft velvet couch watching Katniss and Peeta fight their way out of yet another hunger games. Clarke couldn’t help but smile seeing how enthralled Lexa was with the tv screen. Catching Fire was her favorite so seeing her enjoy it was exciting.

It also made her heart melt at home much snack Lexa actually got at the store, when she initially asked, she expected her to just get a few things but not- the brunette got everything and more. The table in front of them was littered with all of her favorite candies from nerds to twizlers- which Lexa had never had before. Clarke made a mental note every time Lexa said she hadn’t done or ate something so they could do it. 

By the third movie Lexa had Clarke wrapped protectively in her arms leaving no room between them.

“I think Gale might be the worst.” Lexa mumbled eating some nerds from Clarkes bowl, she usually never ate junk like this but one day was fine.

“I agree, definitely team Peeta.” Clarke replied turning to see green eyes already looking at her.

She had been good the entire three movies, she kept her hands to herself besides occasionally rubbing Lexa’s arms which were wrapped around her body. But the look Lexa was giving her now made her want to rip her clothes off and that wasn’t good. She needed to calm down, she took a deep breath before turning back to the movie.

_Stop being so thirsty Clarke!_

A minute later Lexa’s phone rang, and Clarke nodded for her to take mostly so she could get her shit together. She paused the movie watching as the woman walked into the kitchen to take the call.

Clarke took a deep breath and chugged her water opting to use her phone as a distraction. There were several texts from Raven,

_RAE: Hey, how was the studio space?” 2:10pm_

_RAE: I was thinking about Mexican tonight you in?” 2:15pm_

_RAE: Oh shit, I forgot you were at sexy Lexi’s house!!!! 2:18pm_

_RAE: Hope you’re having fun!!!! 3:06pm_

_RAE: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!!! 3:07pm_

_CLARKE: That doesn’t leave much room. 6:12pm_

_RAE: So true! You’re probably all over those pouty lips as we speak! 6:12_

“Sorry about that.” Lexa said rejoining her in the living room,

“It’s ok.” Clarke smiled putting her phone on the table, “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah, it was just my dad. They’ve been on vacation the past month but with summer ending they’re coming back so he was letting me know.” Lexa explained, as she sat back on the couch. “Shall we?”

Clarke nodded grabbing the remote and pressing play, truthfully the movie was forgotten in Clarke mind even with it playing right in front of her. Lexa’s arm was nuzzled tightly around her waist and she could feel the woman’s breath on her as she laid with her head on her chest. She felt Lexa lightly kiss her head and she couldn’t help but sit up and look into those green eyes that were currently driving her crazy.

All three movies Lexa has wanted nothing more than to claim those amazing pink lips in her own. Snuggling Clarke and being so close for all these hours felt so right but it was also driving her insane. There’s so much she wants to say but doesn’t know how. Clarke is amazing and she has really enjoy the past few weeks but she’s not sure where they stand. She knew Clarke asking her out was a date and they kissed that night and last night which was perfect but due to her lack of dating experience she doesn’t know what that equates to.

Does that mean they are together or are they just casual, Clarke is beautiful and newly single surely, she has many men and women banging down her door.

She was thankful for her dad’s interruption since it gave her a few minutes to breathe and think about it but once she returned and they resumed the movie. So far, she was enjoying them, but she was finding it hard to focus especially with all the questions in her head and then almost subconsciously she kissed the blondes head which caused her to sit up.

They both sat there staring up into each other’s eyes until finally Lexa decided to just say fuck it and went in for a kiss. Clarke responded immediately savoring every second her lips were intertwined with the brunette’s pouty ones. At one point she threw her leg around Lexa’s waist so that she was straddling her, but their lips never broke apart.

A minute later Lexa could feel Clarke pulling back and her heart dropped- had she misread the situation? Did Clarke not want to kiss her?

“I’m sorry.” Lexa managed to say while attempting to catch her breath,

“Don’t apologize that was amazing I just-.” Clarke paused staring at Lexa’s flushed faced and blown out eyes for a second, “Are you dating anyone else?”

“What?” Lexa asked her brows furrowing,

“If you are that’s ok, I just didn’t really know where we stood or what exactly we were doing.”

“I’m not- dating anyone else Clarke.”

“I’m not either, I- don’t want to.”

“Me either.” Lexa smiled pushing some blonde strands behind the woman’s ear,

“I only want to date you.” Clarke adds seeing the brunette smile grow,

“Are you asking me to go steady?” Lexa asked jokingly and Clarke laughs,

“Yes, old lady I’m asking you to go steady with me.”

“I’m almost inclined to refuse at the insult of being called old lady, but lucky for you I like you too much.”

“Definitely lucky for me.” Clarke smirked pressing her lips against the brunette’s who happily accepted,

“What about the movie?” Lexa asked between kisses,

“The third one is boring anyway.” The blonde smirked, recapturing Lexa's lips returning to their make-out session that resumes well on through the credits of Mocking Jay Part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i really suck at slow burns not that is was ever supposed to be one but i was struggling because i didn't know when i wanted them to fully get together but i think i have a idea. Right now they're not girlfriends just taking things slowly or going steady as old lady Lexa said.   
> The next chapter may be shorter and I'll just have Clarke dealing with her studio and we'll meet Gustus aka Lexa's dad after that there might be a bit of drama on the horizon ;) 
> 
> Thank you for reading make sure to comment it lets me know you guys are still interested!!!!!!!!!


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